Showing posts with label Friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friendship. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 28, 2023

How To Become A People Magnet: 62 Life-Changing Tips To Attract Everyone You Meet (2019) by Marc Reklau, Book Review

 How To Become A People Magnet: 62 Life-Changing Tips To Attract Everyone You Meet (2019) by Marc Reklau

Bad news: I've not become a people magnet after I finished reading it. Good news: This book reminds me to at least try to increase my magnet-ism or be a less annoying person (or don't make it worse! It is hard to be one if one of my heroes of faith is John the Baptist). Hey, these are "tips" not a book of spells, and reading alone will not make any difference in anyone's social lives if not practiced. It is application, not knowledge, that transforms people. For sure, salespeople need to read this book! But it is also good for anyone who wants to improve their social skills and relationships. The author writes, "The most successful people are usually the ones who best get along with people. (Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule). Science tells us that the number one predictor of success and lasting happiness is our social relationships. People with a strong social network even live longer!"

I've observed how tactless young people are today when they try to communicate with others. I've seen how insensitive people are when interacting with those who are younger than them. I've witnessed many awkward communications between students and coworkers. Some people say technologies and gadgets are the enemy, but it's not entirely true. I think it's our personal belief that says (at its core), "People are not important; I am!" Ryan Holiday's book title summed it up well: "Ego is the enemy. Even if egoistic people seem interested in building relationships, their main goal is not to serve but to use others, not to build but to manipulate others. Thus, these tips can be used for both good and evil, but as the Scripture says, "There is nothing concealed that it will not be revealed, nor so hidden that it will not be made known."

This short book is divided into seven (7) parts. Some tips are very common sense ("Be friendly"), too positive ("Don't criticize"), and probably not suitable for certain types of people ("Praise and praise a lot!"). Most tips are good reminders ("Listen to people actively"), practical ("How to make a good impression"), and humbling ("Talk about your own mistakes first"). There are a few tips that I know I need to practice, but I just can't imagine myself doing them. My excuse is my personality, but in high probability, it's my ego. Lord, help me, a sinner. By the way, on a related topic, I want to recommend these books:

Winning With People and 25 Ways to Win With People by John C. Maxwell

How To Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie

The Rules of People by Richard Templar

The Laws of Human Nature by Robert Greene

 #ServeToLead #LeadersAreReaders #HowToBecomeAPeopleMagnet #MarcReklau #PeopleSkills #Relationships #LetsMakeReadingCoolAgain

To read my other book reviews/summaries, CLICK HERE

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Saturday, May 6, 2023

Five (5) Benefits of Reading Good Books #LeadersAreReaders March 2023


John Wesley was a man who had a great passion for reading. Most of his reading time was on horseback (so don't complain about your environment!). He rode a horse up to 9 miles per day, and during those times he consumed thousands of books such as on science, history, medicine, and one book above all that he always brings along was his Greek New Testament. He told the younger ministers of the Methodist societies to read or get out of the ministry! He was once quoted as saying, “Reading Christians are growing Christians. When Christians cease to read, they cease to grow.” Let me share with you briefly five (5) benefits of reading:

< Reading Is the Main Source of Inspiration > Most of my thinking, writing, and teaching for LEGASI.tv comes from reading books. They inspired me to create YouTube videos, encouraged me to share my findings on the podcast, and enlarged my understanding of the Scripture for Bible studies. Good books especially have helped me to think about things and frame some great thoughts that I would never have come near without them.

< Reading for Intellectual Growth > I always experience the thrill when I read some gems that were opposite and/or invite me to see matters from different perspectives. Books make me think, polish, re-imagine and re-examine my beliefs. They test my wits, provide fresh ideas, and challenge my assumptions. They help me to express my thoughts in words.

< Reading to Keep Yourself Updated > J. Oswald Sanders writes, “Read… to acquire new information, to keep current with the time, to be well informed in his or her own field of expertise." I think you can get more updates on social media. But what makes books unique is that the information that you'll get is generally better in quality, thoughtful, and selectively beneficial.

< Reading Is Having Fellowships with Great Minds > To read good books is like hearing the authors speaking to us. Their words reflect their thinking. Their minds project on every page. It is like a conversation with the authors. Do you want to have a fellowship with A.W. Tozer, Charles Surgeon, Adrian Rogers, J.C. Ryle, Jim Rohn, Zig Ziglar, etc.? Then read their books!

< Reading Books May Change Your Life >  I am convinced that the right books by the right authors in the hands and hearts of rightly motivated people could turn their world right-side-up! (Not upside-down, that’s negative!) Some books, especially spiritual classics, can literally change your life!

#ServeToLead #LeadersAreReaders #BenefitsOfReading #IntellectualAndSpiritualGrowth #LetsMakeReadingCoolAgain

To read my other book reviews/summaries, CLICK HERE

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Friday, February 11, 2022

The Gifts of Reading (2016, 2017) by Robert Macfarlane, Review

In summary, this short essay by Macfarlane, the author of prizewinning and bestselling books about nature, place, and people, is his reflections on the unique emotional resonance of books given and received and how these acts of generosity "incite generosity." He begins by telling how he met his elderly friend, Don, who gave him books and their walks and conversations about their common love for literature. In between the essay, he shared about half a dozen of books that make a difference in his life and others around him, especially, Patrick Leigh Fermor's A Time of Gifts.

"Not all books received as gifts are transformative, of course. Sometimes the only thing a book gives its reader is a paper cut," writes Macfarlane. Funny and true. Then he continues, "But having been given so many astonishing books over the years, I now, in turn, give away as many books as I can. Birthdays, Christmases - I give books, and pretty much only books, as presents."

This reminds me of what I have done joyfully and aggressively in the past. When I first started blogging in 2010 - and I have a pretty good salary back then when I was working in the management and entertainment industry - I used to giveaways 3 to 5 books per month. I lost most of the connections with the recipients now (since I'm not active on social media anymore except for LEGASI.tv) but I do receive some good feedback from them years after that through email and WhatsApp. Their joy (I assume they were rejoicing) when receiving free books and my joy of giving books are interconnected and mutual. Today I still enjoy giving books but not as often as before. Perhaps this is what Macfarlane meant when he explains, "the gift can be transformative and that the act of giving encourages the onwards circulation of generosity."

Macfarlane ends his essay by telling how he and Don always wrote and sent books to each other after their farewell. One day, Don wrote to say that he had been diagnosed with cancer, and a year or so later, Don died. Rachel, Don's daughter, wrote an email to Macfarlane telling him about the news and letting him know that "reading kept [Don] alive right till the end." I closed the book and walked toward the glass window facing a peaceful lake outside Pustaka Negeri Sarawak library and whispered a thanksgiving prayer: "Thank you for the gifts of reading, Lord. Amen" 

#ServeToLead #LeadersAreReaders #TheGiftsOfReading #LetsMakeReadingCoolAgain

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Thursday, August 6, 2020

#1Book1Week July 2020



Here is my July #1Book1Week list. In Lit: A Christian Guide to Reading Book (I recommend this book!), Tony Reinke points out that “the immediate appeal of visual entertainment is at odds with the gradual unveiling of literary treasure. Entertainment is passive and easy; books require an active mind and diligence. Books typically get ignored." The fact that books get ignored is the best reason for you to be a book reader. Why? Nowadays, people are the same. Boring. Be different. Not weird (although sometimes people think you are), but intelligently different.

If you're not a reader today, perhaps because you haven't found life-changing books. I believe that once you're a reader, you will always be a reader. This is a good addiction. First, read the New Testament Bible from a modern translation (CEV or NLT) or paraphrase (The Message or The Living Bible), and then explore other books from various topics. Read deeply, widely and critically. Hey, #LetsMakeReadingCoolAgain #ServeToLead #LeadersAreReaders #GrowingLeader 😊⚡📖

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Tuesday, July 14, 2020

Friendship (1841) by Ralph Waldo Emerson



The book (maybe a booklet? Since its only 55 pages) is old and sometimes hard to read—old English. But the basic idea of this book is this: the two foundations of friendship are 1) Truth, and 2) Tenderness. And if I can summaries it in one word, it will be - love. Yesterday, I spent time with my good friends, and it confirms that these foundations are right and crucial!

Ralph Waldo, a philosopher, and a poet wrote, "The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship." Overall, I think Waldo's ideal friendship is a bit too high and too grandiose. Nevertheless, in today's hyper-connected society, excellent and trustful friends are hard to get. If you have one or two, you're blessed indeed. I thank God for my friends! 😊⚡📖

#ServeToLead #1Book1Week #LetsMakeReadingCoolAgain #GrowingLeader #EssayOnFriendship #RalphWaldoEmerson

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Monday, February 3, 2020

Angelus' Quote: It Is Better to Be Alone than In Bad Company



If you find yourself complaining incessantly about a friend or two after you see them or speak to them, it's probably time to review the friendship 🙂 It is better for you not to be mix with negative people and sinning by criticizing them behind their back. A true friend should enhance your life

Probably my vast experiences, probably my age, probably both: 😝 I only want to spend and invest my time with true friends. Those who empower, inspire and listen to one another. And those who I do care about. If that's not what is happening, stay home and enjoy the company of a good book 📖😉 #GrowingLeader #ServeToLead
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Friday, November 1, 2019

12 Rules for Life #3 Make Friends with People Who Want the Best for You (Summary)



This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by Jordan B. Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos (2018). One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Enjoy!

“If you have a friend whose friendship you wouldn’t recommend to your sister, or your father, or your son, why would you have such a friend for yourself?”
(Jordan Peterson)

Almost every person has two kinds of families, says Peterson: #1 The one that he is born with; and #2 The one that he chooses by himself – friends. The selection of these important people is not to be taken lightly as they often have an impact on our lives. It is your obligation to keep away people who are making your life worse or hurting you. It is your right to decide who should be close to you and who shouldn’t. Peterson affirmed, “There are no ethical dilemmas about that.” If you have a friendship that you wouldn’t recommend to someone, then why are you still keeping it? End it, NOW!

So why many people are not making good choices? That’s because “surrounding yourself with good and healthy people is harder than the opposite.” Being good and healthy requires strength, daring and the determination to choose the difficult but right paths. Willing to take a risk. Consequently, standing up near such a person you have to be a strong, daring and determined person, ready to accept some harsh criticism from time to time which would benefit you. Good friends will do these things to you.

On the other hand, being around bad and unhealthy people is much easier to choose. Being on the bottom is much more convenient than being on top. Bad people will make you adopt laziness, easy unhealthy lifestyle, self-pity, tolerating being hurt or even hurting others for your benefit. So, choose your friends wisely.

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.
 

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Wednesday, September 25, 2019

Angelus' Quote: Cancer Cannot Kill Friendship!



An enthusiastic believer in Christ, Dan Richardson, lost his battle with cancer. But his life demonstrated that even though the physical body may be destroyed by disease, the spirit can remain triumphant. This poem was distributed at his memorial service:

< Cancer Is So Limited >

It cannot cripple love,
It cannot shatter hope,
It cannot corrode faith,
It cannot eat away peace,
It cannot destroy confidence,
It cannot kill friendship,
It cannot shut out memories,
It cannot silence courage,
It cannot invade the soul,
It cannot reduce eternal life,
It cannot quench the Spirit,
It cannot lessen the power of the Resurrection.

[P.s: I dedicate this post to my late friend, man in red t-shirt, Aderus Helena Ngata. No, cancer cannot kill friendship. The power of Christ's resurrection reign! ⚡⚡⚡]

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Angelus' Quote: Count Your Garden by the Flowers, Never Leaves that Fall



Count your garden by the flowers 🌹 Never leaves that fall

Count your days by the golden hours 🕘 Don't remember clouds at all

Count your nights by stars not shadows

Count your years with smiles ☺☺☺ not tears

Count your blessings 😇 not your troubles

Count your age by friends 👭👫👬 not years

(by Unknown) #GrowingLeader

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Tuesday, September 3, 2019

Angelus' Quote: Faithful Friend Is Very Valuable



Rosalie Carter, wrote a great poet on friendship 😉🔥👇:

I think that God will never send,
A gift is so precious as a friend.
A friend who always understands,
And fills each need as it demands.
Whose royalty will stand the test,
When skies are bright or overcast.
Who sees the faults that merit blame,
But keeps on loving just the same.
Who does far more than creeds could do,
To make us good, to make us true.
Earth's gifts a sweet contentment lend,
But only God can give a friend!
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Monday, June 3, 2019

Angelus' Quote: Readers Can't Be Called Friendless



One day a barista friend saw me reading a book 📖 alone and she asked me, "Oh [her face displayed her empathy 😢], nobody with you?" Obviously no. For readers being alone 🙏 is not our biggest fear - not having a book 📖 while we're alone is! 😂

#LetsMakeReadingCoolAgain
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Thursday, March 14, 2019

8 Lessons I Learned from Captain Marvel (No #7 Is the Cutest One)


I don’t watch movies as much I do last year. I think that movie ticket nowadays is quite expensive (in comparison to the second-hand book, of course. I bought The Last Lecture, CLICK HERE for RM10 only). Although I make three exceptions: #1 If someone wants to sponsor me a free ticket, then I’ll go; #2 Family time or dating by watching a movie is worth the investment, and #3 If the movie ticket is RM10 or below. Oh, maybe I should add another one… if its Marvel or DC movie, without exception, I go for the first-day screening! I was excited for Captain Marvel and I’m not disappointed by the storyline and good acting. The challenge for Caption Marvel is that people will always try to compare it with other Marvel movies (fairly so) and thus, some people dislike Captain Marvel because it doesn’t achieve their expectations (again, fairly so). In my opinion, you got to watch it because it is a good movie on its own and in order for you get the most of The Avengers: Endgame this coming April 2019 (P.s: Wait for the Captain Marvel first end credit).

Okay, since I say that movie ticket is getting expensive nowadays, it is a waste of money if I only watch it for the sake of entertainment. I want to treat it as I would reading books. I’m a learner and I want to learn from movies too. So, here are Eight (8) Lessons that I Learned from Captain Marvel a.k.a. Binary a.k.a. Warbird a.k.a. Carol Susan Jane Danvers:

Lesson #1 Don’t Suppress Your Emotions, Control It. At the beginning of this movie, Vers (named by the Kree, taken from the last 3 words of her name, Dan-vers), suffers from recurring mysterious nightmares. So she meets Yon-Rogg, Vers' mentor and commander of Starforce, to talk about it and train with her. Yon-Rogg trains her to control her abilities and emotions. “You have to let go of the past,” Yon-Rogg advice Vers. “But I don’t remember my past,” she replied. “Control it,” Yon urges her. The Supreme Intelligence, an artificial intelligence, and ruler of the Kree, also urges Vers to keep her emotions in check. Later in the movie, you’ll realize that the reason they ask her to control her emotion is that she might release the great power within her. Actually, what they do is they want Vers to suppress her power. The link between emotion and power can be negative or positive. By suppressing your emotion like anger, it will destroy you internally. It will eat you alive. Anger, on the other hand, can be a good emotion if kept under control. I’m angry with Bible illiteracy among young people today, so I teach Bible Study. I’m angry with false and negative blog articles on social media, so I write inspiring and motivational blog articles. Suppressed your emotions and you’ll lose your power. Control your emotions, and you're in power.

Lesson #2 Your Memory Helps Make You Who You Are. During a mission to rescue an undercover Kree from a group of Skrulls (alien shapeshifters) with whom the Kree are at war, Vers is captured by Skrull commander, Talos. While the Skrull scientists subjected Vers to a memory probe, they found out that her memory is strange and unlike normal Kree. They wanted to find out about Dr. Wendy Lawson, but in turn, they jolted Vers’ memory of the past. It turns out that, Vers was brainwashed by the Kree. “I have this power, but I don’t know where it came from,” she once recalled. When Vers escapes in a pod and crashes in Los Angeles, she makes friend with Nick Fury. In one of the scenes, Vers tells Fury (please don’t call him ‘Nick’!), “I keep having these memories. I see flashes. I think I had a life here, but I can’t tell if it’s real... Something in my past is the key to all of this.” Yes, something in the past, the memory that we have, is what makes us who we are. Memory plays a vital role in every aspect of our lives. It provides us with a sense of self and makes up our continual experience of life. Although the memory can be distorted (I read about it somewhere), nevertheless, memory influence the way we make decisions, the way we see things and perceive events in our lives. The rule to a better life is simple but often neglected: Makes good memory.

Lesson #3 The Power of I Am. When Vers and Fury meet former pilot Maria Rambeau, Vers’ best friend, gradually Vers’ memory comes back to her. Vers discovers her real name is Carol Danvers. Talos, the Skrull commander (who they found out is actually a friend, not a foe), plays the recovered black box from Lawson's plane, prompting Danvers to regain her memories and remember the day of the crash. “I AM Carol,” Danvers realizes, “not Vers.” When she knows who she is and what she is capable of, she finally knows her purpose. She was an aimless soldier but now she is a determined hero. The Kree lies to her. Yon-Rogg lies to her. The Supreme Intelligent lies to her. So her aim is to destroy her enemies (and saved the oppressed). During Danvers intense conversations with the Supreme after she was captured by the Krees, she is able to destroy an implant that was suppressing her powers, gaining full access to all her abilities. How she did it? By denying the lies that people put in her mind and accepting her true self that come from the heart. “I AM Carol, not Vers.” And then she glows! The immense power radiate from within her. Awesome! Who are you?

Lesson #4 True Freedom Is When You Know the Truth (Not by Running from It). This is easy to explain. The desire for Danvers to know the truth about herself is what makes her discover true freedom. But to gain this freedom you need to want it. Franklin Roosevelt once said, “In the truest sense, freedom cannot be bestowed; it must be achieved.” Truth is a vital element for true freedom. “The truth will set you free” but first, it will hurt you. Don’t run from it… run to it. Know the truth about yourself. You never know, just like how Danvers finds freedom for herself and at the same time fight for the Skrull’s freedom, you too might help and inspire others to find theirs’.

Lesson #5 Your Power Is A Part of You. After watching the black box video from Lawson’s plane, Danvers’ memory triggered and she suddenly remembers the day of the crash when Lawson, a renegade Kree scientist who want to help the Krulls, died at Yon-Rogg's hands. When Danvers attempting to destroy the engine's energy-core before Yon-Rogg gets it, she pulled the trigger toward the energy-core and causes it to explode! During the explosion, Danvers flew away and at the same time absorbing the energy from the core and losing her memories. That’s how she gets the power. Since then, the power is a part of her. The Supreme Intelligent masquerades as Dr. Wendy Lawson (Mar-Vell? Let’s stick with the movie version okay) says to Danvers, “Your life began the day it nearly ended. We found you with no memory. We made you one of us so you could live longer, stronger, superior. You were reborn.” That’s half-bullshit, half-true. No matter how what or why Danvers gets her power, the power is part of her. When Yon-Rogg asks her to fight one-on-one without power, our Captain Marvel just blast Yon-Rogg with a photon blast and coolly says, “I don’t have to prove myself to you… I’m kind of done with you telling me what I can’t do.” Yes! She doesn’t have to separate her power with who she is. Whatever talents, gifts, and advantages that you have, it’s part of you and uses it without apology!

Lesson #6 Even Hero Needs Friends. Even Carol Danvers, Captain Marvel, one of the most powerful characters in the Marvel universe, needs friends, a team – Nick Fury, Phil Coulson, Maria Rambeau, Talos, and Goose! If you want to make a change in the world, you need help. No-one makes a significant impact without people supporting and encouraging them. Unless you’re more powerful than Danvers, you need friends too.

Lesson #7 Do Not Despise the Small Thing (or Cat is A Dangerous Animal). Goose a.k.a. Cutest Little Thing a.k.a. Cool Cat a.k.a. Stowaway a.k.a. Flerken Kitty is not your normal cat. Fury petting Lawson’s cat, “Aren’t you the cutest little thing! Aren’t you cute? And what’s your name?” The cat didn’t answer. Carol Danvers called him, “Fury.” “Hmmm?” She indicates they need to go, and so Fury says to the cat, “I’ll be back.” Little that they know that this cat is an alien Flerken with a pocket dimension inside its body that can swallow the Tesseract and the one responsible for scratching Fury's left eye and permanently blinding him (funny). Small characters, small things, small events, small beginnings, small actions can cause big things to happen. Never underestimate the power of, “Think Big. Start Small. Go Deep.” Inside the small thing, there is a pocket dimension!

Lesson #8 Help Is Only… One Call Away. In the last scene Avengers: Infinity War, Thanos wiped out half the universe that includes Nick Fury. Fury, however, had time to page Carol Danvers. In the first post credit of Captain Marvel, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff, Bruce Banner, and James Rhodes are monitoring the pager in which Danvers appears in the scene. “I'm only one call away,” sang Charlie Puth, “I'll be there to save the day.” I’m not sure about call now and you get help now. I’m sure about this: If you ask for help (or better, if you keep asking for help) soon or later, you’ll get the help that you need. My teacher once said to me: “You are never strong enough that you don't need help.” Ask. Call. Page.

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Sunday, February 3, 2019

R.I.P. Tracy... And F**k You Death!


"Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?"
(1 Corinthians 15:55, NIV)

"Do not be afraid. I [Jesus Christ] am the First and the Last. I am the Living One; I was dead, and now look, I am alive forever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades."
(Revelation 1:17-18, NIV)

We are not a close friend, Tracy and I (I need to put it up front in all honesty and integrity. I don't want to have that appearance of BFF with the deceased when in fact, I'm not). A bit higher than an acquaintance but slightly lower than a best friend. Although we were a good friend during secondary school, like most school friendship, after SPM everyone was doing their own things – continue form 6 or further studies to college or university (in her case, matriculation) or went straight to workplace. Sometimes, if you're lucky, you get to be with some of your old friends. Sometimes you just get updates from one another once in a while (this was before the social media boom). And sometimes you just follow the flow – let it be – leaving the friendship under the hands of time and event. Either way, we all need to move on with our lives, right?

Occasionally, I met her at coffee shops and malls. Twice at the food fair. Since she used to work with my cousin, I get to hear some news about her. And because I met our mutual friend, John (who truly her best friend), more often than her, he will fill in the blank of what news that I might be left out. To cut the story short, we get to talk during John's wedding because we were on the same table and then to add to the festive mood, she gave me her coming-soon-wedding invitation card. I was surprised! Not just because she invited me [As I said, we were a good friend but over time, we are not a close friend] but primary because she was getting married! Do you know how HUGE is that? TRACY GETTING MARRIAGE, that's HUGE! Souness Peter, brother, if you read this, let me explain why you're VERY special to her:

Tracy was a lovely girl who became a beautiful woman. Back in secondary school, many boys like to flirt with her – you can't ignore a girl like her – but Tracy won't bother with most of them (There are some hilarious and memorable stories related to this which I won't mention here, only those who were close to us know about it). Besides all of her admirable qualities, gracious attitude and not-so-perfect characters, one exception which stands out for me is this: She often chooses the wrong guys (a**holes) as boyfriends. I told her so, she admitted it, and yet, she did it again (I know because it takes one to know one). So, you see, TRACY GETTING MARRIAGE is a HUGE thing. Was it possible for her to make a wrong decision again? Heartbroken, weaken trust, bad memories, try again? Most people won't be that quick to start all over again. Healing requires time, trust needs to be built, memories over layer the old ones. To open up again, he got to be bigger than all of this mess. "Beautiful Mess," as Jason Mraz puts it. And then you come into her life, Souness. I don't know much about you but I know this much about both of you: you and Tracy are meant to be with each other. As an outsider, I only can observe behaviors and find clues. She loves to travel, her family and cousins can witness this, but not as much as she explores places with you. You can imagine her sense of accomplishment when she conquered mountains and hills, but hiking is not as special as walking with you. Everybody say her smile is beautiful – it is – but not as bright as the day she married to you. That's when I (we, friends) knew that she was not making a mistake this time. She made the right decision, a decision that she should be proud of, a decision that she can say her own. That's HUGE. You are VERY special to her. You're the man!

And now, Death… let me ask you, how are you able to deal with the pain you cause so many of us? Days full of tears and an unbearable void that makes it hard to focus on our daily tasks. Days where the thoughts of our loved ones bring back the hurt and pain. Death, do you get tired of hearing the cries and shouts directed towards you? These few days we mourn for our beloved friend Tracy [most probably due to QT Syndrome. Google check it]. You take away her life at its prime. I can compromise when you take life when it's due or something caused by our own stupid mistakes and when you gave mercy to the suffering when they needed it the most. But why take it all of sudden? We are in shock! F**k you! She couldn't say proper goodbye or last eye contact. Empty words, just the sound of the cardiac monitor. F**k you Death! I don't hate you per se, I just don't like the way you work. You are created with a purpose, I respect that, but l can't stand "the mysterious way." Maybe we all should realize that you can come anytime – unexpected, unanticipated, and unwelcome. Maybe we all should take heed of the late Steve Jobs words, "Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life." Or Avenged Sevenfold lyrics, "Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost." Or as the Bible says, "Making the most of every opportunity…"; "Making the most of your time…"; "Redeeming the time…" (Ephesians 5:16). We all must realize that life is short. I get it. But it is appropriate to say for now – as we grief and bereave, in pain and sorrow – F**k you, Death! (I've cursed you all the way from my place to Pusat Jantung Sarawak the early morning when I heard about the news about her). 

Tracy, do you remember when you asked me for book recommendations and I point to you John Piper's Don't Waste Your Life? Do you remember when you enquired me about why there are so many Christian denominations and I said it doesn't matter as long as you believe and have faith in Christ of the Scripture? Do you remember at the coffee shop during our ‘accidentally' lunch together you probed me to revealed the motive of I'm doing student's ministry and I answered you in the form of a quote, "Only one life 'twill soon be past; Only what's done for Christ will last"? I believe you're with our Lord Jesus Christ right now. You have passed from death to life. In Christ, we ask sarcastic questions to the death-face, "Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" Paul responded: "Death has been swallowed up in victory… [So] thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ" (1 Corinthians 15:55-57). I'm sad. The family, friends, and colleagues are also sad right now, but let me end this rumbling article with a hopeful note, a declaration from the One who "hold the keys of death and Hades" (Revelation 1:18), an eternal promise from the Son of God, Jesus Christ: "Whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life!" (John 5:24). Tracy, yes, you have passed from death to life, so Rest In Peace!


THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.
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Friday, November 16, 2018

How to Fix A Broken Heart (2018) by Dr. Guy Winch, Book Review


How to Fix A Broken Heart (2018) by Dr. Guy Winch

You fall in love. You break someone’s heart. Your heart is broken. How to deal with this universal experience? Guy Winch is a licensed psychologist, author, and keynote speaker. His first TED Talk, Why We All Need to Practice Emotional First Aid, has been viewed more than 50 million times (also, check out his latest TED Talk on the same book title). "A brok
en heart is unmistakable. We think of nothing else. We feel nothing else," writes Guy. "And often, we can do nothing else except sit with the immense pain, grief, and loss. Heartbreak can last for days, weeks, months, and even years." 

Yet while we wouldn't expect someone to go to work or function well with a broken limb, heartbroken people are expected to function in their lives despite the emotional pain they feel. Whether it comes in the form of romantic love or through loss, heartbreak is ubiquitous. Yet we know so little about how to deal with it. With great wisdom and empathy, Guy explores how different our lives and our society would be if we better understood this unique emotional pain. 


Imagine we treated broken hearts with the same respect and concern we have for broken arms. Guy urges us to rethink the way we deal with emotional pain, offering warm, wise, and witty advice for the broken-hearted. Our hearts might be broken, we do not have to break with them. We can take control of our lives and our minds and put ourselves on the path of healing. This book (with superb illustrations by Henn Kim) published by TED Books, offers a 'toolkit' for how to handle and cope with a broken heart and how to - eventually - move on. There are four (4) chapters in this book, and I include some of my favorite quotes for each chapter:


Chapter 1: How the Brokenhearted Are Abandoned. “Our journey through heartbreak is determined by multiple variables: the specific nature of the relationship or loss, our fundamental character and coping styles, our individual and familial histories, the current context of our lives, and how we manage or mismanage our recovery. The last crucial variable that impacts our recovery is also the one most likely to disappoint us – our available support systems: friends and family, communities, schools, and places of employment”; “Most of us know of only two healing agents: social support and time”; “When our heart is broken, what determines others’ compassion is not how much emotional pain we actually feel but how much emotional pain they believe we should feel”; “Creating mysteries and conspiracies where none exist is a common response to romantic breakups”; “The worst thing we could do for ourselves when we are hurting is to internalize [it], become self-critical as a result, and deny ourselves the very empathy and support we so badly need.”

Chapter 2: When Hearts Break, Brains and Bodies Break Too. “Heartbreak is a hijacker. The emotional anguish it causes invades our thoughts, captures our attention, seizes our focus, and dominates our awareness”; “Reliving old memories and going through pictures is something many of us might do in the first hours, days or even weeks following a breakup… like a drug addict… We become intensely focused on the person who broke our heart (the ‘drug’)”; “In the era of social media, the most common way people satisfy their craving for the person who broke their heart is to stalk them digitally”; “Difficult as it is to unfriend, unfollow, block or delete our access to the person’s cyber world, it is the only prudent way to prevent ourselves from stalking them again in the future”; effects of heartbreak such as “panic attacks”, “cardiac abnormalities”, “stress” lead to depression, “suppressed immune system functioning” and more; “Heartbreak impacts our minds, our brains, and our bodies in direct, measurable, and unfortunate ways… to heal from a broken heart we have to first stop making things worse.”

Chapter 3: The Many Mistakes that Set Us Back. “Having a clear understanding of why things ended helps us reach closure much sooner than we might otherwise”; “Psychologically speaking, negative cognitions [inaccurate thoughts or beliefs that make us feel bad about ourselves] have three key features: they are self-critical, harmful or limiting; they are inaccurate to some degree; and most problematic, we tend to be convinced they are true”; “Our ‘cravings’ for them [ex] make us focus disproportionally in their best qualities... [Don’t!]… The best way to avoid idealizing the person who broke our heart is to deliberately force a balanced perspective in our mind”; “Avoiding things [memories of the person, places, activates together] does not lessen their emotional impact on us – it supersizes it… the best way to do so is by revisiting these places under different and specific circumstances so we can create new associations for them”; “We must be willing to make one crucial decision – to let go.” 
Chapter 4: Healing Starts with the Mind. “Our body’s priority is always to heal and keep us alive… but our mind’s priority is… to keep us away from situations that have hurt us in the past. The more painful an experience is, the harder the mind will work to make sure we do not make that ‘mistake’ again… to that end, when our heart is broken, our mind tries to keep our pain fresh and unforgettable…”; “Our bodies heal well automatically. Our minds do not”; “To fully heal when our heart is broken, we have to look in the mirror (metaphorically and perhaps literally) and tell ourselves it’s time to let go. And that can be extremely difficult… we need to let go our hope, of the fantasy in which we undo what went wrong… we need to truly say good-bye – to turn away from love, even when there is no longer a person or animal there to receive it… we need to let go of a part of ourselves, of the person we were when our love still mattered”; “We have to rebuild our self-esteem by practicing self-compassion”; “Emotional pain should not and need not be a constant companion.”

Epilogue: Making Emotional Pain Visible. “When societies do not sanction grief, we internalize these standards and regard our own emotions and reactions as less legitimate… If emotional pain we visible, heartbreak and the suffering if caused would not remain disenfranchised for long. When we show up to work or school with a broken leg, arm, or even a broken finger, we often garner more attention, concern, and consideration, because we can see the splints or bandages, than we are likely to when our heart is broken. They are there as evidence that we hurt. And yet, broken bones inflict none of the profound cognitive, emotional, and psychological impairments heartbreak does”; “Heartbreak is all around us. It’s time we open our eyes and see it, for only then can we truly heal it and move on.”

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.


[P.s: Why you need to buy a book? Borrow from your local library!]
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Monday, November 12, 2018

Angelus' Quote: Theoretically, 150 Is the Limit of Real Friends on Social Media (Why?)



I don’t like the post that says “Scientists say...” without any references. But I will tell you one social science research here without extensive references. Robin Dunbar, an anthropologist and evolutionary psychologist at the University of Oxford, done a research on online networking and found that the average number of friends on Facebook (or social media in general) that we can really have meaningful friendships online is about 150 individuals. Dunbar suggests this number (now known as ‘Dunbar Number’ which actually 148 rounded up to 150) because “friendships ultimately require occasional face-to-face interaction if they are to be maintained over time.” You can read more about this research... yes... online... yes... Google.

When I thought about this Dunbar’s Number, it makes sense to me. Why? On average, I assume roughly we have 5 real/intimate friends, 15 good friends (include the 5), 50 ‘okay’ friends (include the 15), and the rest are just acquaintances. Some may have more or less, but basically, we have below than 10 real/intimate friends online/offline. Now, imagine you have ‘collected’ 5,000 friends on Facebook. What’s for? Besides you know well that you have issues such as self-image, these numbers are just a fantasy. If you ‘confirm’ another friend on Facebook, you’ll have 5,001 now, after 1 week or less, this one ‘friend’ will be buried under your crowded wall. Even if they follow you or you follow them, how about the others? ‘Confirm’ and then ‘gone’? Now, one good reason to have thousands of online friends is that it is good for your online marketing and business. But then, if one is a sensitive person, she will ask, “What’s the motive here?” Basically, I'm okay with 'permissible' marketers as friends.

Now, Dunbar’s Number can be wrong or inaccurate or over-generalized. I take this number sceptically. Since we human sometimes overestimate our ability, I increase the number to 250 (but as for my Instagram, I don’t put any limit). Not that others are less value but it's about priority and purpose of having social media. When you Log In, why? It’s not about limiting your ability to make more friends, but it’s about limiting yourself for quality friendship online. Unless you’re a marketer, celebrity, artist, or pope, I suggest you trim down your friend lists. “Unfriend” one name at a time.

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.

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Thursday, October 18, 2018

12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos (2018) by Jordan B. Peterson, A Review


12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos (2018) by Jordan B. Peterson

Reading Jordan Peterson's book is refreshing. He is a psychologist whose writing combines science and common sense. One of his talents is his ability to articulate complex ideas to a wide audience, regardless of whether you have a background in psychology or not (although it would be good if you're interested in psychology, it will be very much helpful). In comparison with Stephen R. Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, I find that this book is a bit complex in language and some of its term I'm not familiar with. But both book concepts are simple enough and easy to understand. It covers his twelve rules for life, which are intended not only as a guide for the life of the individual but as "a remedy for society’s present ills." Peterson believes that the cure for society starts with curing the individual, the smallest unit of society. Peterson’s well-known advice to "clean your room" is a reflection of the truth that if you can’t even manage the most basic and mundane responsibilities of life, then you have no business dictating to others how to fix society.

One of the main themes of this book is: "Personal change is possible." There's no doubt you can be slightly better today than you were yesterday. Because of Pareto's Principle (small changes can have disproportionately large results), this movement towards the goodwill "increases massively and this upward trajectory can take your life out of hell more rapidly than you could believe." Life is tragic and full of suffering and malevolence, says Peterson. But there's something you can start doing right, and all of these 'rule' is within our power to do so.

To read my simple summary for each chapter, CLICK on the titles below. It will link you to my second blog Idea For Today, enjoy!



THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.
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