Pain Is Inevitable, Suffering Is Optional

Pain is the physical sensations or signals that tell you something is happening within your body in relation to an event or situation. Suffering is the interpretation or story that you tell yourself about the pain. Pain is what happens to you but suffering* is how you respond to it. In this way, suffering is optional. Let me tell you about my friend Aderus, died of cancer, who experienced pain but little suffering #ServeToLead #PainIsInevitable #SufferingIsOptional #EveryoneFeelPain

[*most but NOT ALL suffering is optional. Word meaning and context matters]

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THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.

As A Man Thinketh #8 Pain Is Inevitable But Suffering Is Optional

"Suffering is always the effect of wrong thought in some direction. It is an indication that the individual is out of harmony with himself, with the law of his being"

(James Allen, As A Man Thinketh)

Most people associate suffering with pain be it physical, mental and/or spiritual. They assume suffering to be an automatic result of all pain. I used to think like that too. However, suffering is not a result of pain, it is a RESPONSE to pain. Haruki Murakami, a Japanese writer, says: "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Say you're running and you think, 'Man, this hurt, I can't take it anymore.' The 'hurt' part is an unavoidable reality, but whether or not you can stand anymore is up to the runner himself." Pain is an unpleasant signal that is warning you that something is wrong. This is normal and good for us. Suffering, however, results from our thinking about the pain. That's why James Allen says, "Suffering is always the effect of wrong thought in some direction."

In his interview with Larry King, Christopher Reeve, legendary actor of Superman movies, talked about a riding accident that left him paralyzed from the shoulders down and dependent on a ventilator. It was obvious that Reeve has endured and continues to endure an incredible amount of pain. However, his response to this pain has been anything but suffering from it. He instead devoted his life to helping others, especially those with paralysis like him. Reeve was a realist but at the same time very positive and inspirational. He says, "My feeling is you have to deal with the reality as it is, but not accept it as permanent. I'm sorry, but I just don't believe there is any reason to give up. The goal is cure. The goal is to get up and out of the wheelchair. And in the meantime, you deal with reality. But if you don't have a vision, nothing happens."

Like Reeve, the 'Man of Steel', we don't have to suffer from our pain – it's our choice. We don't have to be Superman or Superwoman to deal with it. First, change your mind about your suffering. Remember: Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. Think about it!

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.

 

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Spartan Up! A Take No-Prisoners Guide to Overcoming Obstacles and Achieving Peak Performance in Life (2014) by Joe De Sena, Book Review

Spartan Up! A Take No-Prisoners Guide to Overcoming Obstacles and Achieving Peak Performance in Life (2014) by Joe De Sena with Jeff O' Connell

"Healthy foods, healthy attitude, healthy relationships, healthy mind, and healthy body together define a complete Spartan lifestyle – the Spartan code in action," writes Joe De Sena, a co-founder of the Spartan Race. I'm pumped up when I read this book. I started to be aware of the food that I eat (avoid carbonated drinks and fast foods at all costs, except for pork burgers with lots of mayonnaise). I either hike to the hills/mountains or hit the gym or just walk for miles daily because I said to myself, "That's what a Spartan does." Life is a movement. A body in motion tends to stay in motion. My dream body is not bulky, but muscularly-lean. As Joe says, "Spartans need muscular endurance more than they need huge muscles." I believe in the spirit-mind-body connection. Spiritual fitness is essential. Fit mind without a fit body, die early. Fit body without a fit mind, stupid. Fit mind in a fit body is living a fuller life. Spartan up!

Not everyone can do what Joe De Sena does. He is a legend in endurance and adventure racing circles. In only 1 week he completed the 135-mile Badwater ultramarathon, raced the 140.6 miles of the Lake Placid Ironman, and finished a 100-mile trail run in Vermont! I'll be dead. It fits because his mantra is: "Give me the hardest thing you got." You and I don't have to do what he does. Joe (read about why he did it in the book) might be a bit of extreme, but what he tries to shows and write in this book is that IT IS POSSIBLE. "We are all destined for the grave," Joe writes as a matter-of-fact, "but what a tragedy to arrive there without any scars, without any mark to show that we tried to do something amazing." I translate that as – push yourself to the limit or at least make much of your life. Two more chapters before I finished reading this book, I watched the movie 300 (2006) again for the fourth time. Dilios says about the King of Spartan, Leonidas, "For he did not wish tribute, nor song, nor monuments, nor poems of war and valor. His wish was simple, ‘Remember us. Remember why we died.'" Do something amazing. Spartan up!

There are 5 Key Lessons that I learned from this book:

#1 Toughen Your Will (or Push Yourself Out of Comfort Zone). Where there's a will, there's a way. A cliché but true. Old runner proverb puts it this way: "You run the first half with your legs, the second half with your mind." When you wish to watch Netflix or YouTube all day long, it takes a tough will to go out of the room and exercise instead. When you desire to eat fast food because, well, it's fast to prepare, it takes a tough will to choose a healthier meal. When laziness strikes you hard and the bed or chair is warm and comfortable, it requires a tough will to get up and put on your running shoes. "It sounds hard," writes Joe in the chapter Confronting the Greatest Obstacle: Your Will, "but I think everybody needs to suffer a little." Toughen your will and you'll build "obstacle immunity."

#2 Change Your Mindset (or Change Your Frame of Reference). "The hardest part of all of us is convincing our minds what our bodies are capable of." I witness this a lot: many trains the body but forget to train the mind. To win every battle, one must first win on the battlefield of the mind. This means mastering your emotions, decide what's important beforehand (Joe have this "the upside" priorities, read it), and focus by resisting distractions and temptations, especially avoiding the short-term satisfaction temptations (the cookies or marshmallows test). Setting your mind to, "It is possible, I can do it!" and do it is what separates the Spartans and the ordinaries.

#3 Exercise Regularly (or Be Physically Active). "Exercise is the best defense you have against anxiety, stress, depression and a whole host of other diseases." I might not agree that every disease is related to the lack of exercise, but as Joe says, "When it comes to exercise, the rich grow richer." Yes! Exercise is as much a mindset as it is a motion. Often, when I went to the gym that is in the 3rd-floor building, most people rather use lift than stairs. I thought, "Are you coming here to exercise?" It is good to keep in mind that to exercise is to be physically active. It means taking every opportunity to move your muscles. Also, do as much outdoor exercise as possible. Hiking, walking, running, swimming, etc. You'll breathe fresh air and a lot more challenging than predicable gym equipment.

#4 Eat Healthy (or Change Your Diet). Honest to say, most healthy food is expensive. I eat oat a lot but rice is much cheaper. Fresh fruits can be costly too. I don't drink nutritional dairy products such as milk and protein shake because I have lactose intolerant. And one other factor: it's expensive. But there are less expensive ways to eat healthily such as drink enough water, avoid fast foods, be intentional with sugary items intake ("You want to get a runner's high, not a sugar high"), choose vegetables and don't do emotional eating! I like Joe's advice: "Eating clean today is for tomorrow. Clean food helps you recover from hard work and high stress alike… lead the charge in crushing obesity."

#5 Welcome Pain (and even Failure). This requires grit. Grit refers to "an indefatigable will to overcome obstacles… Grit emerges out of the force of will that manifests action. Grit is execution. Grit gets shit done." Most people – including me – when encountered with pain, we tend to quit. The pain of not reaching goals, that's why we don't set goals anymore. The pain of a tired body, that's why watching TV on the couch is more desirable. The pain of criticism, naysayers, and lavish-caring can stop us before we even try. But if you embrace the lifestyle of Spartan (which I'm convinced that I should. Thanks Joe!), you don't see the pain the same way again. It will not be a stopper but a pusher. Joe encourages us: "Being a Spartan is about giving your best effort, proving your doubters wrong, and getting it done when other people are sitting at home watching TV."

As I'm writing this, 18th October 2019, Spartan Race will be held tomorrow, 19th – 20th October 2019, at Semenggok, Kuching, Sarawak, Malaysia. Kuching is my birthplace. One of the ‘marketing' strategy that Joe De Sena does in this book is to encourage the reader to sign up for the Spartan Race all over the world. At first, I'm a bit irritated by the ‘marketing' bombarded messages throughout the book. But after I finished reading it, it all makes sense for two reasons: 1) The Spartan Race is one of the ways for me to test my commitment to the Spartan lifestyle. It's easy to make a decision, but it's another way to commit to it… Do I have what it takes? and 2) Be honest, if I sign up for the Race, it good for Joe's business. I'm not going to sign up, though. Not yet. I know about the Race only recently. I will sign up for next year! Meanwhile, I will train myself hard, Spartan up!

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.

 

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How to Fix A Broken Heart (2018) by Dr. Guy Winch, Book Review

How to Fix A Broken Heart (2018) by Dr. Guy Winch

You fall in love. You break someone’s heart. Your heart is broken. How to deal with this universal experience? Guy Winch is a licensed psychologist, author, and keynote speaker. His first TED Talk, Why We All Need to Practice Emotional First Aid, has been viewed more than 50 million times (also, check out his latest TED Talk on the same book title). "A broken heart is unmistakable. We think of nothing else. We feel nothing else," writes Guy. "And often, we can do nothing else except sit with the immense pain, grief, and loss. Heartbreak can last for days, weeks, months, and even years." 

Yet while we wouldn't expect someone to go to work or function well with a broken limb, heartbroken people are expected to function in their lives despite the emotional pain they feel. Whether it comes in the form of romantic love or through loss, heartbreak is ubiquitous. Yet we know so little about how to deal with it. With great wisdom and empathy, Guy explores how different our lives and our society would be if we better understood this unique emotional pain. 

Imagine we treated broken hearts with the same respect and concern we have for broken arms. Guy urges us to rethink the way we deal with emotional pain, offering warm, wise, and witty advice for the broken-hearted. Our hearts might be broken, we do not have to break with them. We can take control of our lives and our minds and put ourselves on the path of healing. This book (with superb illustrations by Henn Kim) published by TED Books, offers a 'toolkit' for how to handle and cope with a broken heart and how to - eventually - move on. There are four (4) chapters in this book, and I include some of my favorite quotes for each chapter:

Chapter 1: How the Brokenhearted Are Abandoned. “Our journey through heartbreak is determined by multiple variables: the specific nature of the relationship or loss, our fundamental character and coping styles, our individual and familial histories, the current context of our lives, and how we manage or mismanage our recovery. The last crucial variable that impacts our recovery is also the one most likely to disappoint us – our available support systems: friends and family, communities, schools, and places of employment”; “Most of us know of only two healing agents: social support and time”; “When our heart is broken, what determines others’ compassion is not how much emotional pain we actually feel but how much emotional pain they believe we should feel”; “Creating mysteries and conspiracies where none exist is a common response to romantic breakups”; “The worst thing we could do for ourselves when we are hurting is to internalize [it], become self-critical as a result, and deny ourselves the very empathy and support we so badly need.”

Chapter 2: When Hearts Break, Brains and Bodies Break Too. “Heartbreak is a hijacker. The emotional anguish it causes invades our thoughts, captures our attention, seizes our focus, and dominates our awareness”; “Reliving old memories and going through pictures is something many of us might do in the first hours, days or even weeks following a breakup… like a drug addict… We become intensely focused on the person who broke our heart (the ‘drug’)”; “In the era of social media, the most common way people satisfy their craving for the person who broke their heart is to stalk them digitally”; “Difficult as it is to unfriend, unfollow, block or delete our access to the person’s cyber world, it is the only prudent way to prevent ourselves from stalking them again in the future”; effects of heartbreak such as “panic attacks”, “cardiac abnormalities”, “stress” lead to depression, “suppressed immune system functioning” and more; “Heartbreak impacts our minds, our brains, and our bodies in direct, measurable, and unfortunate ways… to heal from a broken heart we have to first stop making things worse.”

Chapter 3: The Many Mistakes that Set Us Back. “Having a clear understanding of why things ended helps us reach closure much sooner than we might otherwise”; “Psychologically speaking, negative cognitions [inaccurate thoughts or beliefs that make us feel bad about ourselves] have three key features: they are self-critical, harmful or limiting; they are inaccurate to some degree; and most problematic, we tend to be convinced they are true”; “Our ‘cravings’ for them [ex] make us focus disproportionally in their best qualities... [Don’t!]… The best way to avoid idealizing the person who broke our heart is to deliberately force a balanced perspective in our mind”; “Avoiding things [memories of the person, places, activates together] does not lessen their emotional impact on us – it supersizes it… the best way to do so is by revisiting these places under different and specific circumstances so we can create new associations for them”; “We must be willing to make one crucial decision – to let go.” 

Chapter 4: Healing Starts with the Mind. “Our body’s priority is always to heal and keep us alive… but our mind’s priority is… to keep us away from situations that have hurt us in the past. The more painful an experience is, the harder the mind will work to make sure we do not make that ‘mistake’ again… to that end, when our heart is broken, our mind tries to keep our pain fresh and unforgettable…”; “Our bodies heal well automatically. Our minds do not”; “To fully heal when our heart is broken, we have to look in the mirror (metaphorically and perhaps literally) and tell ourselves it’s time to let go. And that can be extremely difficult… we need to let go our hope, of the fantasy in which we undo what went wrong… we need to truly say good-bye – to turn away from love, even when there is no longer a person or animal there to receive it… we need to let go of a part of ourselves, of the person we were when our love still mattered”; “We have to rebuild our self-esteem by practicing self-compassion”; “Emotional pain should not and need not be a constant companion.”

Epilogue: Making Emotional Pain Visible. “When societies do not sanction grief, we internalize these standards and regard our own emotions and reactions as less legitimate… If emotional pain we visible, heartbreak and the suffering if caused would not remain disenfranchised for long. When we show up to work or school with a broken leg, arm, or even a broken finger, we often garner more attention, concern, and consideration, because we can see the splints or bandages, than we are likely to when our heart is broken. They are there as evidence that we hurt. And yet, broken bones inflict none of the profound cognitive, emotional, and psychological impairments heartbreak does”; “Heartbreak is all around us. It’s time we open our eyes and see it, for only then can we truly heal it and move on.”

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.

[P.s: Why you need to buy a book? Borrow from your local library!]

Book Review: Spurgeon on Leadership (2010) by Larry J. Michael

Spurgeon on Leadership: Key Insights for Christian Leaders from the Prince of Preachers
(2003, 2010) by Larry J. Michael

Reading biographies – Christian biographies, especially – is one of the best decision I ever made and habit that I will keep for a lifetime. Philip Brooks, preacher, and author, said, "A biography is, indeed, a book; but far more than a book, it is a man… Never lay the biography down until the man is a living, breathing, acting person to you." We who are in the ministry – of all people – ought to read biographies. We minister to real people, and the better we understand great men and their times, the better we can minister to our people in our times. A truly good biography of a great person "has a universal quality about it that makes it touch life at many points," observed Warren W. Wiersbe.

Charles H. Spurgeon (1834-1892), well-known British’s 19th-century preacher, though I never met him, is my spiritual mentor. Since I read two of his awesome biographies Spurgeon: A New Biography (1984) by Arnold Dallimore and Charles Spurgeon: The Prince of Preacher (1997) edited by Dan Harmon, my respect, and admiration for him ever increases. It was intensified by my reading of Spurgeon Gold (2005) collection of quotes compiled by Ray Comfort and a huge volume of The Essential Works of Charles Spurgeon: Selected Books, Sermons and Other Writings (2009) edited by Daniel Partner which is over 1,391 pages! Many great preachers today also admire Spurgeon, men like John MacArthur [in his book Ashamed of the Gospel, MacArthur warned the church today not to be like the world. He uses the life of Spurgeon as an example of a faithful preacher of Christ] and John Piper for examples [he preached and wrote a book entitled Charles Spurgeon: Preaching Through Adversity]. Spurgeon is my spiritual mentor and his life is an inspiration for me. I never dream of becoming like him – far from it – because as Philip Brooks advice, "The object of reading biography… is not imitation but inspiration." Oh yes, an inspiration indeed!

Because of this, I rejoice gladly and read with great interest this book by Larry J. Michael. You can't separate Charles Spurgeon, pastor of the first megachurch in church history, from his excellent leadership. Beside pastored a megachurch, he also began a college to train pastors, founded an orphanage, instituted countless charitable organizations, sending missionaries, and bless other churches through his preaching, publishing books and book ministry for not-well-to-do pastors. No doubt among churches today this type of leader is in high demand, and Spurgeon's leadership style and innovations provide a challenging model. Rich Warren writes, "Spurgeon's model of leadership has profoundly influenced my life and ministry." Tom. S. Rainer agrees, "In every generation as few leaders emerge to set the pace and established the standards for leadership. [C.H. Spurgeon] was definitely one of these great leaders." John C. Maxwell simply says, "I highly recommend this book to all serious students of leadership!"

Here Michael points out not merely the insights of what it means to be an influential leader but also important fundamentals such as Christian commitment and moral character. Moreover, he shows how Spurgeon demonstrated extreme courage and conviction for those principles and how, in the various controversies that surrounded his ministry, he rose to meet them with a genuine sense of Christian maturity and Biblical constancy. Michael also stresses important characteristics such as grasping a vision for the task and prioritizing one's ministry in both the setting and the context of pastoral compassion and leadership. He also highlights Spurgeon as Christian model for both his staff, church members, and – especially for his family. Here too Michael does not exclude the fact that leadership often entails suffering and that was where Spurgeon truly ascended to the heights of leadership (besides physical illnesses, he also suffered depression). This book officially becomes my favorite leadership book!

It is divided into 3 parts and each cover leadership insights that are both historical in its context and practical for today's applications:

Part 1: The Leader for All Seasons

#1 Competence: Developing and Demonstrating Leadership

#2 Confidence: Balancing Faith, Attitude, Initiative, and Humility

#3 Context: Spurgeon in Victorian England

#4 Calling: Conversion and Growth

#5 Character: An Example of Integrity

Part 2: Leading Through the Seasons

#6 Casting Vision: Spurgeon's Goals and Planning

#7 Courage: Standing for Righteousness, Scripture, and Sound Teaching

#8 Commitment: Teaching and Modelling Devotion to Family

#9 Creativity: Preaching, Methods, and Ministry Innovations

#10 Compassion: Personal Toughness and Pastoral Tenderness

#11 Compass: Leading Despite Criticism and Conflict

#12 Coping: Dealing with Illness and Depression

Part 3: Applying the Lessons of a Leader

#13 A Leader for the World in Crisis

#14 A Leader for the Daily Challenge

Do you know why Spurgeon was such a great leader? For your information, he didn't go to any theological school (huh, I’m glad). Humanly speaking, he was self-taught. This is his theology and how he became a great man of God: "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus is my Lord!" he exclaimed. With Lord Jesus Christ as his Master, only Master, everyone including Spurgeon is nothing but the humble servant of God. He first a follower of Jesus, then only he is a leader of men. Keep this in mind.

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.

Self-Leadership #8 Be Prepared to Sacrifice

When we hear the word sacrifice, we often think of completely selfless acts in which someone does something for another entirely for the other person's benefit. The image of a soldier sacrificing his life for his comrades frequently comes to mind. But sacrifice isn't purely selfless. The best definition of sacrifice is one that I found in American Heritage Dictionary: "To forfeit something for something else considered to have a greater value." Sacrifice does not mean giving up something for nothing; it means giving up one thing for something else we believe is worth more, "a greater value." This means a leader who lays down his life for his family or for his team has chosen to place more value on their lives than on his own.

In The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, John C. Maxwell points out that the Law of Sacrifice says, "A leader must give up to go up." A leader cannot achieve and get something without giving up something in return. In order to attain something you believe is of greater value, you must give up something you believe is of lesser value. Our society today tries to minimize sacrifice at every turn, promising people that they can fulfill their desires without having to forsake anything at all. "Lose weight without giving up your favorite foods!" "Get ripped without long workouts!" "Get rich without having to work hard!" All of these are fantasies! Leaders understand that there is always a price to pay. Time, energy, money, commitment – all require sacrifice. Without hard work, pain, turmoil, commotion, anxiety, stress, and tension, there is no growth, no change. You must pay the price!

Here are three (3) ways to think about sacrifice:

Sacrifice Leads to Success: Its sacrifice, during all those hours of training that equips you to hang in there against all odds. Sacrifice and self-denial lie behind every success.

Use Failure as Stepping Stones: It hurts to fall short of a goal. However, when you use a failure to your advantage, it can become merely a stepping stone on the road to victory.

Pay the Price: Greatness is worth the cost. Great achievements require courage, determination, drive, and a willingness to pay the price.

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.

Self-Leadership #7 Work Harder Than Everybody

Don't buy the myth of the overnight success. "It takes years to make an overnight success," observed Eddie Cantor. Most of the people we celebrate for their effortless achievements have actually put a whole lot of energy into preparing for their victory. Yes, they make it look easy and they may even talk in a way that makes their success seem almost inevitable. But if you listen to them, you will usually find that they are working hard toward a compelling goal. It's the clarity of that goal – vivid, precise, focus – that makes their success seem unavoidable.

What they're not necessarily talking about (by the outward victory that we see), are the long lonely hours of practice and hard work that they subjected themselves to, or the many, many doubts they experienced along the way. I like this quote, "Some people dream of worthy accomplishments while others stay awake and do them."

I read that Adam Clark is reported to have spent 40 years writing his commentary on the Bible; Noah Webster laboured 36 years forming his well-known dictionary (in fact, he crossed the ocean twice to gather material needed to make the dictionary absolutely accurate); John Milton rose at 4 o'clock every morning in order to have sufficient hours to compose and rewrite his poetry which stands among the best of the world's literature; Edward Gibbon spent 26 years on his monumental book The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire; William Bryant rewrote one of his poetic masterpieces a hundred times before it was published just to attain complete beauty and perfection of expression; young Lee Chong Wei, now Malaysia's finest badminton player, sleep by 10 o’clock every night and is up by 5 o’clock, after he finishes his breakfast at seven, it is a whole day of non-stop regimented training. These men have a tremendous focus on what they were doing and each one threw all his energy into his effort no matter how difficult the job.

With hard work, practice and discipline, they were gaining complete confidence in their ability to do the things that they do. It is this discipline of hard work and training, investing those countless hours of practice that leads to mastery that takes a skill or gift from the conscious level to just second nature to them. "Achievement," said Mortimer Adler, "seldom exceeds effort."

Here are three (3) techniques to make sure you're working hard:

Perfecting Your Discipline: Hard work is discipline, focused training that develops self-control. It helps you make the hard decisions, endure pain, and stay on track despite the stress, pressure, and fear.

Invest in Your Talent: All too often, our culture celebrates success without effort. And all too often, these stories turn out to be untrue (be careful about marketing scams that promise easy money and easy this-and-that). You have a responsibility to invest in your God-given talent for the long-term. If talent not used, it will be taken away from you.

Start At Home: A leader must send a message to his followers. They all must see the leader put in more effort than they did and therefore will be motivated to put in more effort themselves.

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.

Where Is God When It Hurts? (1977, 1990) by Phillip Yancey

Where Is God When It Hurts? (1977, 1990) by Phillip Yancey

When my friend, Aderus Helen, died on 28th February 2018 due to lung cancer, I was devastated. I know him since he was a student and were there with him in and out of the hospital. The night after he died, I wrote this on my Facebook post [now already deactivated]:

"Knowing him first at TCS CF, I'm a staff and he was a student. Naturally, he was a quiet person, but when we became a friend I considered him as talkative. To shut him down, sometimes I challenged him with hard questions. During studies and after, he was very active in the ministry. Sometimes he joined me and Peter to camps and trips. And then, to cut the story short, he was diagnosed with bone cancer. It ended up with painful chemo and imputation of his right leg. I was there when he received his artificial leg. We who know him will no doubt recognize his amazing faith, this is his obvious gift (1 Corinthians 13:9). He was a simple preacher, ordinary, in fact, but an amazing encourager and motivator. His stories and experiences inspired his hearers... Growth!

"...Years later, he has to be admitted again. Cancer cells recurrence again. On hospital bed again. Lung cancer. Fluid-filled his lungs. He still can smile, talk and have a set of wish-list-after-discharged (he wanted badly to watch Black Panther!). His faith never wavers. When I and Steven came to visit, our topic was not about mortality but Monopoly.  But once in a while, he inserted faith-statement: ‘I'm ready to be with my Father.' He doesn't want to bring his laptop because he said, ‘I want to read the Bible' during his time in the hospital. Once I asked him, had he thought about getting married, he replied, ‘There is one girl who takes an interest in me... But I have to reject her, for her own good, because I don't want her to feel sad after I'm gone.' Wise but sad.

"When it was just both of us, we played chess. I never pretended to be a looser, I tried hard to defeat him, but he was so good with chess that he wins every time! After a week, he transferred to Radiotherapy building. It was hot there, so I bought him a fan. One night his nose was bleeding. Then the next day his back hurt, so he couldn't really sit properly. The next day he was in a very painful state. His stomach hurt, probably gastric. A few days later, he was using oxygen cylinder by his side. The night before he couldn't breathe properly. Many times, I told him to tell others that he is in the hospital, but he refused. Sad faces, unnecessary words and healing prayers (in front of him) are not helpful. He did tell his pastor, some other Christian leaders, and friends. Basically, he wanted to be unnoticed. We respect that. But the immediate implication of that is loneliness (his mother only came after he changed wad).

"One day he texted me, ‘When are coming to visit me in this filthy place?' Jokingly, I replied, ‘Tonight, this filthy man will visit his site!' There was this moment when I and Steven came, and about to open Monopoly games cards, he said, ‘Tonight I can't, maybe tomorrow after I'm getting better.' After few days, he was not getting better. He speaks less, he kept himself awake but once in awhile his eyes will close, and I saw his sad face. Before I went to KL, my last meeting with him was on Monday morning with Ibi. ‘Next week I come back,' I said, ‘we go watch Black Panther.' He knew that I knew that it was impossible. ‘I'm going back to Sibu tomorrow if the doctor allows me,' was his last words. We went back, he sleeps.

"This morning, I (and some others who frequently visited him) received a painful news. Everyone shocked. I'm speechless... From beginning to his end... I suspect his faith waver a little bit, but I know, sure as I'm alive today, that his hope was unshakeable. Here is a man who faced death once, used all his energy and passion to preached Jesus his Saviour until he faced another battle, facing death again, but now forever alive in the Saviour! As for all of us, we are alive, but are we really living? Don't waste your life! Aderus is our example of faith, hope, and love. I'm sad, but at the same time - rejoices!"

So you know, I asked God the exact question: Where is God when it hurts? This book (and my other meetings with colleagues) helped me during those dark moments. I underlined and meditate on this book, struggle with every statement, rejoice with every pearl of wisdom, and checked all the Scripture quotes which slowly restored my faith. Although most of my questions are remain unanswered, I gain trust in the goodness of God. "Everyone will face a crisis of doubt in his entire Christian life," Bishop Hwa Yung once told me. Yancey words resonate with me when he wrote at the conclusion of this book: "My anger about pain has melted mostly for one reason: I have come to know God. He has given me joy and love and happiness and goodness. They have come in unexpected flashes, in the midst of my confused, imperfect world, but they have been enough to convince me that my God is worthy of trust. Knowing him is worth all enduring."

[P.s: This is not a book review after all. I just want to say that this book helped me in my struggles. I recommend this book wholeheartedly.]

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.

Book Review: The Giver (1993) by Lois Lowry

The Giver (1993) by Lois Lowry

Wow! Emotional, adventurous and a richly provocative novel I ever read since I read Paulo Choelo's The Alchemist. Thought-provoking and very imaginative storyline. Novel like this remind me of how wonderful and joyful it is to read book.

Jonah, the main character in this book, lives in the 'perfect' world. Everything is under control and orderly systematic. There is no war, no fear, no lies, no pain, and sadness. There is no future, no room to be rude, no differences (except for their assignments) and obedience to the Rules. Free food, safe place, the Sameness. Everything is predetermined and everyone is assigned a role in the Community. Perfect.

When Jonas turns twelve, age of adulthood, he is singled out to receive special training from The Giver by the Community Elders. The Giver is an honourable job and also the most difficult one. The Giver alone holds the memories of true pain, true happiness, and the pleasure of life. In short, The Giver alone have all the memories of the world. From here, Jonas went into adventure of his lifetime, of realisations and the meaning of life, real life. 

This book is a wow!

[P.s: 20 years later, there is a movie The Giver (2014) based on the novel. Both book and movie are very good. Well of course, there are differences between the original and the interpretation of it. The book require additional imaginations; while the movie put us into people's imaginations of it. Both are good. Book is better, you know...]

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.

Jesus Freaks: Adrian of Nicomedia, Put Down My Name to Be Tortured for Christ

“Love… rejoices with the truth; bears all things,

believe all things, hope all things, endures all things”
(The Apostle Paul, 1 Corinthians 13:4, 6-7).

A.D. 303

During the tenth and last major Roman persecution under Emperors Diocletian and Maximian, a young military officer who loved honour and courage distinguished himself to his superiors by faithfully and efficiently carrying out the letter of their orders in trying to suppress the Christians. His skill and daring in both this and in battle had led to one promotion after another.

            But Adrian’s task of torturing Christians bothered him. In the face of pain and death, Christians were repeatedly peaceful and unrelenting in their commitment to their Lord. He saw in these men and woman a courage greater than any he had ever seen in battle.

            Adrian was so intrigued by this that one day as he was bringing a group of Christians before a judge for sentencing, he asked one of them, “What gives you such strength and joy in the midst of your sufferings?” “Our Lord Jesus Christ, in whom we believe,” the man replied.

            Suddenly Adrian saw it as he never had before. The Roman gods he was defending could never give a person such courage! They were nothing compared to the God of these Christians.

            He made his way to the front of the line of prisoners and stepped before the judge. “Put down my name with those to be tortured. I also have become a Christian.” The emperor’s son Galerius, who served as Diocletian’s Caesar (or junior emperor) and had been present at the trials with his father, tried to persuade Adrian to strike his name from the list of Christians and to beg for forgiveness. Adrian assured him that he had not lost his mind but had acted thus according to his own conviction.

            What Adrian did not know at the time was that his wife, Natalia, had secretly become a Christian some time before and had been praying for him. When she heard that he was in prison, she went to him and encouraged him by telling him of her conversion and more about the God who loved him.

            The group of Christians Adrian had put his name down with were soon sentenced to die. Before this, because of his former status in the empire, Adrian was allowed to go home that he might make his peace with his wife before he was killed. When Natalia saw him coming down the road, she at first thought he had renounced Christ in order to be freed and wouldn’t let him into the house!

            Though this might have been an opportunity for Adrian to escape, he did not. He soon returned to the prison. When he did, he watched as others were subjected to terrible tortures: their arms and legs were broken with heavy hammers until they died from the agony and internal bleeding. When Adrian’s turn came, his wife feared most of all that her husband would become fainthearted and renounce Christ, but he finally knew the courage that could only belong to Christians and never backed away from his commitment. She strengthened Adrian and held on to his arms and legs while the executioner broke them with the hammer. Adrian died together with the rest.

            When they began to burn the bodies of the Christians, a thunderstorm arose, the furnace was extinguished, and lighting killed several of the executioners. The attempt was abandoned and the rest of the bodies were released to their families. Sometime later, after Adrian’s body had been moved to the city of Byzantium, Natalia’s body was found lying on top of her husband’s grave. She had died while attending it.

            His sacrifice has stood as a shining example for the last eighteen centuries. During that time Adrian has been knowns as one of the patron saints of soldiers.

[Taken from Jesus Freaks: Revolutionaries (2002) by dc Talk. Title mine]

“O loving Christ, draw me, a weakling, after Yourself;

for if You do not draw me I cannot follow You.

Give me a brave spirit that I may be ready and alert.

If the flesh is weak, may Your grace go before me, come alongside me, and follow me;

for without You I cannot do anything, and especially,

for Your sake I cannot go to a cruel death.

Grant me a ready spirit, a fearless heart, a right faith, a firm hope, and a perfect love,

that for Your sake I may lay down my life with patience and joy.”

John Huss,

as he lay in chains in prison before being burned at the stake, Bohemia @ Czechoslovakia

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.

Jesus Promises Fellowship and Eternal Life, If You... (1 John 2:25)

“So you must remain faithful to what you have been taught from the beginning. If you do, you will remain in fellowship with the Son and with the Father. And in this fellowship we enjoy the eternal life he promised us”

(1 John 2:24-25, NLT).

The Apostle John reminds us of a great promise God has given to us if we “remain faithful” – that we will live forever with Him. “Eternal life.” To some people, that may sound so foreign to them, but let’s take a look at what it will be like for us to live with God.

The Scriptures tell us that when we live with Christ eternally, all of the weaknesses and problems we face in this life will be over. If we, for example, feel ugly, poor in studies or sports, unpopular, or handicapped, whatever the problem is, it will be gone; we won’t have to live with it ever again. Whether you’ve been poor or depressed, rejected or lonely, all that will be gone forever! Hallelujah! In the Book of Revelation, John recorded this promise: “They will never again be hungry or thirsty; they will never be scorched by the heat of the sun. For the Lamb on the throne will be their Shepherd. He will lead them to springs of life-giving water. And God will wipe every tear from their eyes” (Revelation 7:16-17). Imagine: no more hungry, no more thirst; no more tears, no more frustrations; no more crying, pain, or death (see Revelation 21:4). Everything will be made new. It’s hard to imagine, isn’t it?

All believers will be living in a new version of Jerusalem (Revelation 21), which will be quite unlike anything we have ever seen. John describes it as looking like a very special jewel, surrounded by a wall made of precious jewels, and the city itself made of pure gold. Even the streets will be made of pure gold! Not only will we live in such a perfect place (like the Garden of Eden) and enjoy all of its beauty (like Genesis 1), but it will last forever. And no sin can ever pollute its purity. The best of all is – God will live with us. This is almost impossible for us to understand since everything we know about has a beginning and an end. Every human being has a birth and a death; the same is true in the animal kingdom and nature kingdom (but the reality is that our souls are eternal). The idea of “eternal” life is a mind-blower to me, what about you? But it’s true!

Remember, “Eternal life” doesn’t begin when we die; it begins when we become members of God’s family. It begins when we “believe in” Jesus Christ. Because of Him we “will not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16). We can begin to enjoy that quality of life right now. Yes, right now! True, we may still experience sorrow and pain in this life, but we have a Resource – Jesus Christ – who has promised to help us cope with these challenges during this life. He will always be with us in the present time and time to come. Therefore, if we “remain faithful”, we “remain in fellowship with the Son and with the Father… and… enjoy the eternal life he promised us.” That’s a BIG deal! Amen.

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.

Letters to Annie: Don't Let Your Problems Get You Down

Like Wonder Woman, Be Strong!

Dear Annie,

            I noticed that you’re having bad moods lately. Yes, problems come and go. I will see you soon okay and we going to talk about it face-to-face. Though we’re separate hundreds miles away, I try my best to be there when you need me. If not physically, then through phone calls. All of us face those occasional days when things don’t happened the way we want it to be or when relationships around us went through brokenness, arguments and pain. But, when we find ourselves overtaken by the frustrations of life, we must catch ourselves, take a deep breath, and lift our thoughts upward. A.W. Tozer wisely advise: “Keep your feet on the ground, but let your heart soar as high as it will. Refuse to be average or to surrender to the chill of your spiritual environment.”

            Although we must occasionally struggle to rise above the distractions and disappointments of tough times (or probably tough relationships), we need never struggle alone. We are for one another. Or better, God is here – eternally and faithfully, with infinite patience and love. “People who do what is right may have many problems, but the Lord will solve them all” (Psalm 34:19). And I believe our friends, family members, and maybe close colleagues are also willing to help us restore perspective and peace to our souls. “The first step in solving a problem,” write John Peter Flynn, “is to tell someone about it.” Our only action is to let them.

            Remember I told you to be optimistic about life? Well, I want to add to that. Be a realistic optimist. Your attitude toward the future will help create your future. So think realistically about yourself and your situation while making a conscious effort to focus on hopes, not fears; on self-growth, not stumbling blocks; on God’s sovereign power, not present problems. My Annie, don’t let your problems get you down!

Here are some of my favourite quotes that help to restore my perspective when I’m having difficult times. I hope it can help you too: “He who can’t endure the bad will not live to see the good” (Yiddish Proverbs); “The worst thing in your life may contain seeds of the best. When you can see crisis as an opportunity, your life becomes not easier, but more satisfying” (Joe Kogel); “Storms make trees take deeper roots” (Claude McDonald); “Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadows” (Helen Keller); “The human capacity to fight back will always astonish doctors and philosophers. It seems, indeed, that there are no circumstances so bad and no obstacles so big that man cannot conquer them” (Jean Tetreau); “Every problem contains within itself the seeds of its own solution” (Edward Somers); etc. You can have all my quotation books when you marry me!

My love, this is a trustworthy saying: “Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7). Don’t let your problems get you down. Let God cares for you.

I miss you. You look prettier when you smile you know [laugh]!

I love you Annie.

Most genius and supportive boyfriend ever,

Richard

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.

Evidence of Jesus’ Resurrection #4: "Blood and Water” Flowed Out of Jesus’ Side

The Passion movie. Jesus was flogged with Roman flagrum

One of the most prevalent skepticism about the Crucifixion and the Resurrection was that Jesus didn’t really die on the cross but fainted or swooned and was revived in the coolness of the tomb (as most Muslim apologetic speakers try to explained. And they also speculate that Jesus was taken into heaven just before he was about to be crucified and Allah replaced another man who “looked like Jesus” to die on his behalf). In other words, Jesus wasn’t resurrected because he didn’t really die. Modern medical science has now refuted the claim, that Jesus could have survived the cross and preceding beatings resulting in massive blood loss.

What is so significant about this account? Alexander Metherell, MD, PhD, University of California at Irvine, is a medical doctor proficient in medical diagnoses. He asserts that the flogging Jesus received with a Roman flagrum was a significant factor in his death. The Roman flagrum, an instrument of torture, was a whip that had pieces of metal or bone attached to the ends of the lashes. In some cases, a flogging with a flagrum alone was enough to cause death. The metal-studded whip dug into the skin and muscles of the victim and pulled out pieces of flesh until they were shredded and quivering. The flogging induced heavy blood loss. As was seen depicted in the Crucifixion story, Jesus was already suffering heavily as he walked to Golgotha. On the way to Calvary, he was unable to carry his cross, so the Roman guards forced a bystander to carry it for him. At this time, says, Dr. Metherell, Jesus was already in serious to critical condition medically.

One symptom of the massive loss of blood from flogging was that the victim became very thirsty, a condition of hypovolemic shock. John 19:28 tells of how Jesus cried out from the cross that he was thirsty, and the soldiers lifted up a sponge soaked in wine vinegar to his lips.

Victims of Crucifixion normally died of asphyxiation. As they were hanging, arms extended, wrists nailed, from the crossbeam, they had to strenuously push themselves up by their feel nailed to a crossbeam in order to exhale. In time, they became too fatigued to push themselves up and could no longer breathe.

Since the Sabbath began at sundown and the Jewish leaders didn’t want to leave the bodies on the cross during the Sabbath, the soldiers broke the legs of the Crucified thieves on either side of Jesus to cause them to asphyxiate quickly. But when they came to Jesus, he was already dead. The only disciple brave enough to watch the execution of Jesus was the apostle John. He gives an eyewitness account of what happened to Jesus on the cross: “One of the soldiers, however, pierced his side with a spear, and blood and water flowed out. This report is from an eyewitness giving an accurate account; it is presented so that you also can believe” (John 19:34-35, NLT).

This outflow of blood and water was most likely because Jesus died of congestive heart failure secondary to asphyxia, according to Dr, Metherell: “When the spear penetrated Jesus’ side, it probably went through the lung and into the heart. When the spear was pulled out, blood flowed out and then the clear fluid that had gathered around the heart, which would have looked like water. What John wrote in the Bible is consistent with medical fact.”

Evidence of Jesus’ Resurrection #4:
“Blood and Water” flowed out of Jesus’ side.

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.

Reference: Gary R. Habermas, The Case for Christ’s Resurrection, DVD, David W. Balsiger, senior producer, Grizzly Adams Productions, Inc., 2007.