Living Together (But Not Married)

 

“Living together without the commitment of marriage is setting for far less than God wants for your life." (Rich Wilkerson) 

Mary’s face (not her real name) projected a ‘something is wrong’ expression. She holds tight to her 10 inches textbook as she walked her way toward me. It was during my campus day. I was sitting, cursing the hot weather. Ice-cream was on my right hand and the book opened but never read was on my left. She checked either her boyfriend was around – she sensed no aura of his presence, so she started to talk.  

“Richard, I want to tell you something.”

As I enjoyed that yellow ice-cream silently, I nodded my head.

“I and my boyfriend are staying together since last semester. There are 3 rooms in our renting apartment. We are staying in one room. You know that we’re not married, right?”

Again, I nodded my head. 

Her eyes signal “please-hear-me-but-don’t-lecture-me” so I keep silent. She continued,

“We are committed to each other, we’re in love with one another, we will get married soon, I guess. But I don’t feel right about living together~”

And then she stopped talking. She walked away. Within 5 seconds she disappeared. I was hot from the outside (due to the heat of the day), cold on the inside (due to ice-cream), and left alone; clueless.

At this writing, as I remember the scene, I wonder what would my answer be if she added some questions at the end of her short heart-pouring session such as; what is wrong with living together? Is God upset with what we are doing? Living together has become more and more common in our society today. In the past, such a case is considered rare in the Malaysian setting but nowadays it is common and wherever we go, if we really open our eyes (and ears) we can see that the case is growing fast and wide; even among Christians. It broke my heart…

What is wrong with living together?

In the beginning, God intended for man and woman to be together (see Genesis 2). The man was thrilled with God’s creation and has been finding fulfillment in woman ever since. There was no minister to perform or marriage court to legalize a wedding ceremony – but the Lord was there. And that was enough for both of them.

Mary said, “We are committed to each other…”

Christ’s love is agape love. It is unselfish, unconditional, and pure. His love, my friends, reaches to us in complete commitment. Rich Wilkerson writes, “Living together without the commitment of marriage is setting for far less than God wants for your life.” My ex-colleague, Mark Leong once declared, “I will marry my girlfriend”. Now that is commitment! Living together as a trial, to know if the relationship will work out or for the purpose of experimenting is deathly wrong. When things go wrong, a relationship without commitment can simply split up. And since there are no strings attached, no responsibilities can be assumed with both parties. And normally, girls, you always be the one who bears the most consequences.

Mary also said, “We’re in love with one another...”

Paul writes in 1 Thessalonians 4:3, “It is God’s will that you should be holy; that you should avoid sexual immorality.” It is almost impossible for a man and woman who are in 'love' with one another and living together in one room can ever avoid sexual immorality. The Word of God (in case some of you might not aware) has made it clear that sex outside the commitment of marriage is fornication, which can be plainly explained and simply translated as – SIN.

Again, Scripture outlined God’s command (not a suggestion) in 2 Corinthians 7:1, “Let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.” His command is always for our own good. He commands because He loves you so much that He wants only the best for your life. Living together without marriage can bring you pain and a broken heart. Moreover, living together is most probably leading to sin, and it breaks the heart of God.

Mary said, “We will get married soon, I guess.”

I assumed that every couple who are living together has every intention of getting married. But the intention is not enough. The question I never get to ask Mary is this; “Why haven’t you?” Rich Wilkerson wisely advises, “If this is the man (or woman) God has provided to be your marriage partner for the rest of your life, why wait? If, however, you are living together because you are unsure about him (or her) …perhaps you had better do some serious praying and seek God’s will in this matter.”

“But I don’t feel right about living together.”

Living together with your boyfriend or girlfriend is always not right. Don’t trust too much of your feeling, trust God more when He said, “avoid sexual immorality”. Stop it! Make a decision to respect yourself and God’s Word through repentance. Purify yourself from fornication. Living together is a sin. And God hates sin! John the Baptist screamed in the wilderness, “Repent!” Jesus Christ started His ministry by saying, “Repent!” Living together is a sin. Period.

Last words: If your boyfriend (or girlfriend) is unwilling to go God’s way, break off the relationship. You! You make a u-turn to God. Repent and He’ll receive you. The Lord loves you and wants the very best for you. And Mary, Jesus only wants the best for you. Come home.

 THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.