Week 13: Serve - The Best Job in the Universe

[Saturday, September 25, 2010 at 10:52pm]
After supper, Jesus 'got up from the supper table, set aside his robe, and put on an apron. Then he poured water into a basin and begin to wash the feet of the disciples, drying them with his apron.' (Book of John, Chapter 13)


Now stop, we got to stop here for awhile. This is not right. This is Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Even if you didn't believe him as your Lord and Savior, most probably everyone who know him either from watching National Geography, Websites, reading the Bible, History channel etc. will have to agree with me that he is exists and was walking on earth long time ago and most probably recognizes him as a great leader, superb master teacher, a man of wisdom and perhaps a prophet.

So, what in the world Jesus, high profile figure in the history ever wash the feet of his disciples? To make the matter worst, 'In the society of the time foot washing was reserved for the lowliest of menial servants.'(Quote from The MacArthur study Bible) He did a lowers of the lowliest job done by high of the highest reputation person in the world. It's like saying President Obama washing his office boy's feet in the White House or like saying that our Prime Minister (Please don't sue me) after lunch wash every cabinets member's feet during Parliament meeting ... but this are such a weak examples. Jesus is setting an example for us to follow, he is 'speaking' by his actions: serve others.

In my almost 3 years experience in Customer Service Industry either from ordinary staff to leadership positions, we can almost identified with the statements such as;

"I don't want to serve that old nagging woman" (only serve that we like)

"That fuzzy customer always bring trouble around here, I don't want to serve him" (serve as long as no 'problem' ahead)

"Oh! That's my friends... hide me now, I don't want them to know that I'm working here" (don't want to serve because it will effect one reputation)

If serving is hard to do for you (It is sometime very hard for me too), just remember that; we serve God if we serving others. For Christian readers, if Jesus is our Lord and Savior bend down His knee, 'got up from the supper table, set aside his robe, and put on an apron. Then he poured water into a basin and begin to wash the feet of the disciples, drying them with his apron', how much more we ought to serve one another?

Who will you serve this week? Ask God to bring to mind someone you should serve this week, and ask him what you should do for that person. (Even doing small stuffs such as buys a chewing gum for your friend, cleaning toilet, make a coffee etc) Then do it! Serving is the best job in the Universe because Jesus did it.

Everybody can be great... because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love. (Martin Luther King Jr.)

Who will you serve this week?

I was Blind, Now I See

[on Friday, September 24, 2010 at 11:44am]

3 years ago, my church organized a visits to a blind school where we will spends time with them and just using this opportunity to enjoy the moment with this special children. Really they are special, I'll tell you why.

Right after we arrived at the school, we were welcome by students, teachers and headmaster. They all happy and very excited to know that we were coming for visit... This statement is kind of boring, you may say 'of course they are happy', but I have to tell you this that; this is genuine, authentic and very real kind of happiness. No fake, not acting to be happy, this is REAL.

To cut the story short, after the welcoming ceremony, we spend the rest of the day with students and we were given permission to move around the school freely. Well, I managed to find my 'favorite' student. His name is Ahmad Ridzuan. He called me 'Abang Richard' and I called him 'Adik Ridzuan' and along the fellowship I decided to call him Wan. He is born blind and living in the hostel just next to the school.

I walked around the school with him holding my hand as if I'm the one who is blind, he do the talking part along the way as if I'm dumb. At first we went to his room; where he changed his clothes and pray. There were times when he brags about me to his roommate that he has a friend name 'Richard'. When someone pronounced my name wrongly, 'Abang Cat (paint)' 'Che-Ed' he correct them,

"It's (one by one) R-I-C-H-E-R-D! Okay???" and his friends said, "Oh, Ricat~" "Correct!"

I was tempted to correct Wan, but he seems very confident that I don't want to make a big deal about it.

After visited his classroom and lunch at canteen, I asked him,
"Bring me to your favorite place."

He holds my hand tightly as he 'showed' me the way to his most secret place. His hand wildly crawls over the schools’ wall which leads us to a playground. We sit in the circle hole, it was somewhat tight for me but I just sit there with him... I looked around and there's no secret at all for the place was very visible for naked eyes. It just next to the classroom and I bet I can went there much faster than his 'secret' way. What funny was, I slips my foot when I steps at the drainage and he said to me, 'be careful~'. Oh I need to remind you again- He is blind!

We talked about his dreams, I share mine and most of the time he conquered the conversation, so let it be. I never forget when he said, "Abang Richard, you seem to be a short-temper man."

"No... I think you're wrong.” I said in defend.

"When you talked I can hear your tone." he said like always... with confident. I hate when the truth revealed. He seems to know me more than I knew myself.
"Yes, you're right." [He told me much more.]

What did the blind boy, Ahmad Ridzuan teaches me? He taught me very important lessons in life:

• Almost certain that we can identify who is REALLY happy or not. Happiness is not for hypocrite so stop pretending.

• You cannot have everything in life, so choose few and give everything for it. There were many students in the school but I choose to spend the day with Wan, so that I can know him personally instead of having time with everyone and know only a little bit here and there.

• Be sensitive to time and place. George Sala advised, we should strive 'not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult, to leave the unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.' Instead of telling Wan that he spelled my name wrongly I just let him 'win' this time because really, it was just a small matter.

•  Find your 'secret place' and rest. You don't have to go far far away, your 'secret place' might be just next to your 'school'. Rest is achievable, just look for it. Wasn't that easy?

• Do not under estimate what people have to say. When someone gives opinion, listen. When someone gives suggestion, consider it. When someone telling the ugly truth about you, appreciate it. When Wan told me to "be careful", I was ashamed by my own pride for having a pair of eyes that can see but cannot 'see'.

• Lastly, appearance can be deceived, Wan 'looks' at me with his heart not with his eyes. It took 20 years for me to admit that I'm actually a short-tempered person but it just took Ridzuan less than one day to tell me about it.

Indeed, Wan is special, I told you so.

"I was blind, now I see."



Story of a Broken Heart

[You got 3 missed calls], as I checked my phone right after I came back from playing Futsal that evening, probably between 6 - 7pm. During that time I stayed at the campus, I replied her calls by sms’ing her:
"Eh sorry, ku g main futsal tdi. Kak tok mok pergi makan d kantin."
(Sorry, I was playing fulsal just now. After this I'll be going to canteen.)

She replied back: "Bleh x ku jumpa ko klak. D taman kereta jam 8?"
(Can I meet you later at car park area at 8pm?)

I said: "Okay."

She was my best friend and she always share with me about her relationship with her boyfriend. Well maybe I'm not that handsome enough then, that her boyfriend don't even feel threaten whenever I'm with her. She having her time that night, pouring out how she felts about her boyfriend; about their fights, about how he always make her angry, about how he didn't returned her phone call and sms'ing her etc. And I'm having my time too during the conversation; I finished about 2 packs of Wise potato chips; tomato and onion flavor and 1 can of vanilla coke. (I was tempted to finished hers’ soya bean but couldn't.)

I don't remember clearly what she said that night (because my eyes focus on that soya bean), but I remember this; she asking me, "Richard, I don't see that this relationship can survive anymore. I want to break my relationship with him... I love him so much but I don't know how... I don't know what to do?"

That night was totally silent for 3 minutes.
You may think that I'm a wise person, so I take some time to process the info or you may assume that I was stunned that I don't know what to say... Wrong! Actually my mouth was full with foods that I need times to swallow it.

I broke the silent night, "You know B, I knew both of you for about 2 years... and I hope that both of you can be together, you guys are 'sweet' couple." She smiled. (And I was: "Did I just say that?!!!")

"But I have to tell you something..." (She don't like the word 'but', neither do I)
"What?" she asked.

"You're controlling him too much and you always nagging about how he… this and that. I know you love him, but there's a point when you need to compliment him, treat him like a friend not as your 'full-time' husband, at least not yet, (I smiled) and don't whining about the small things... late 5 minutes, didn't returned your sms within 10 minutes... bla.. bla... bla.."

She silent for a while… so I took this opportunity to drink that soya bean in her hand

"Anyway, he is a little bit slow too in this area... that's why we become good friend." I chuckled and finished her drink successfully.

She didn't denied that, so I continued, "I hope that you can consider to continue this relationship by becoming more understandable, not too control (I smiled again) and maybe... stop whining about the small things and start to look at the big picture."

She agreed. I added, "Oh, do you remember yesterday when you called him and he didn't answer you?"

"Yap, why? What he's doing? I know he don't care about me!!!"

"Oh, he left his phone in my room… He went to my room and sleep over."

Curiously, she asked, "Err... What he was doing at your room?"

I said, "He come to my room and asking me and my roommate to pray with him."
"Pray for what?"

"He said you were sick and the next day which is today you are having your test. So he wants to pray for you. He said a lot about you and how he really cares for you. I bet he said much more but I was sleepy."

She smiled and I can see her slowly cry out. It was a great awakening for her. Since that day, she seldom calling me for session of 'counseling' maybe because she manage to see the 'small things' in a different view, knowing the principle behind my feedback to "Never let the Situation mean more than the Relationship" which I adapts from John C. Maxwell's book. But I suspect that she may realize by then that I eat too much and broke her money down. Oh I love that Wise tomato flavor!

----FIN----

Week 12.Take Risks - The Hardest days are the Earliest

This week I want to ‘sell’ you on why you need to take risks so that you can get the rewards of it instead of stepping back in you comfort zone and do nothing! Before that, I won't promise you something that I didn't ever done before and never will I promise that you can get 'everything' you want especially in term of material success. But I will share with you on why taking risks is essential for us to stretch ourselves on becoming a person who we are created to be.

Who dare to take risks?

For someone who are willing to lose something 'small' to have something 'big' in life.

What is risk?

A dictionary definition of risk is "the possibility of suffering harm or loss". Example, for most people, AIDS has caused fear and prejudice toward volunteers/ workers and AIDS victims as well. Working with AIDS victims is criticized and condemned by those who do not understand or who do not want to understand the disease. Many people who volunteer to work with AIDS victims are condemned and ridiculed. These risk takers are the one who among many make the difference in the world today.

When to take risks?

When there are needs for worthy causes. Remember, for worthy causes. Be wise, taking a risk by jumping from top floor of KLCC to prove to Maria how much you love her is an act done by un-brain risk taker.

Why take risks?

Sheila Murray Bethel in her book, 'Making a Difference: 12 Qualities that make you a leader' wrote top three benefits:

·         Awareness - when you take risks, you may realize that you are not as good as you thought you were. On the other hand you might discover that you are better than you thought. The better you know yourself, the wiser you become.

·         Expanded knowledge - It can teach you valuable lessons. Even if the risk turns out badly, you will learn more about your willingness and ability to take risks. I like this; 'knowledge robs you of the luxury of ignorance.' You learn more from your defeats than from your victories.

·         Increased excitement - Making contribution, receiving recognitions, and growing are the kinds of excitement that are the prime benefits of risk taking.

But here are the most important why we need to take risks; once we are willing to take risks for worthy cause we open our heart and willingness for God to use us as channel to bless others and to do His Will in our life. The greatest risk men ever take is to surrender his life into God's care. Surrender is tough at the start, especially if 'you are selfish kind of person, a little spoiled, a little pampered, a little overly indulged' said Charles R. Swindoll. Take risks for this kind of surrender is not for the pampered!

How to take risks then?

Good question. Once you 'buy' to the idea of taking risk, you will automatically know how to take risks. After all, my friend, nobody teach me how to lie or steal at the first place, once I decided to do it, I just knew how to lie and steal. Famous saying, “Where there’s a will there’s a way.”

Help me to answer this final question please; Are you willing to take risks for worthy causes, even you may be criticized, look foolish and stupid at first time (or worst, for the rest of your life. ex, become a missionary instead of having a normal life)?

"Take risks for worthy cause in your study, business, ministry, relationship etc. The greater the risks, the greater the struggle, the greater experience, the greater surprise! The hardest days are the earliest." - RR

10 Minutes Reading Before Commit Suicide...

Life has no meaning, no purpose, and no future, so why continue to endure its extreme unhappiness, anguish, hopelessness, and despair? This is the mind of someone who has exhausted all possible options, no way out they said. No other except... suicide... Are you the one whom I describe as above? If yes, this is for you. If tonight, today you have decided to do it, I plea to you to make another consideration... this is for you.

You might be a victim of depression, tortured with feelings of unworthiness, sin and failure, deep guilt, and the need to be punished... suicide seems to be the only way... anger, envy, jealousy, fear, guilt, self-pity, sexual deviation, drugs, alcohol, deep disappointments, the death of the loved one, a divorce (either yourself, someone close to you or your parent), loss of employment, loss of health etc. It's been a long time, in fact, reflect to childhood memories. Nobody understands you, even when you share this with somebody, they seem to ignore your feeling... “They have their own problems, why should I add to theirs", you said. "You are not me!” you shout in your inner voice.

Maybe you threaten suicide in mind to get attention and sympathy... that’s not your points... it goes much deeper... either you or I decided for suicide or not... we all want someone to listen to our hurt and frustrations; but now, you see, you need it most. Before you make this decision, you're worry; dislikes, hates, rejects yourselves; unsure of either this is right or wrong, think that you’re lose, the world hates you and you done hurting yourselves... it doesn’t work anyone, "I want to put this to an end.”

"Why me?"

"Nobody understands!"

"How could 'they' do this to me?!"

"Live or die, I’m useless..."

You can add to this... for you know better than I do...

Consider this now, darling, brother, sister, son, daughter, friend... THERE'S HOPE. Although I didn't meet you personally, I'm convinces that the ULTIMATE problem for any person's life is separation from God. After a long reading, the word 'God' seem to be hateful, alien and most avoided in your life now... this very minute... because if He exist or care at all, then why... why... I don't know... this I must confess and so does everyone around you.

But I got a suggestion: cry, plea your case, kneel and PRAY.

One more time... kneel and pray... I beg you!

Jesus Christ said, "Come to me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads and I will give you rest. Take my yoke and put it on you, and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit; and you will find rest. For the yoke I will give you is easy, and the load I will put on you is light" (Matthew 11:28-30).

Believe me, He understand your situations. He had been through much deeper hurt than this to redeem our ‘burden’. Ask Him to intervene, there’s HOPE! Come... will you change your mind now?

(P.s: This is the 1st and most important step. There are more, of course.)

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.

Week 11: Process - Step by Step

What is your favorite food? For me, so far, with no other 'rivals' yet is: Kolo Mee. It's one of our famous foods in Sarawak. Normally, right after I arrived at the Kuching International Airport, I would, if possible will hang around at the nearby stall to have my Kolo mee. Once I ordered the food, I want it to be done quickly! But of course to create the 'masterpiece' requires time, and I just can’t wait.

            In the world that we living in today, time is priceless. Everything need to be done Quick, Now and Instantly! For example, 3-in-1 Coffee, instant noodles, instant soup, panadol actiFast, Easy Income business, multi-level marketing, stock market etc. I'm not against it but rather to prove that though most of it benefits us in somehow or another, it shows that our human tendency to expect the result in everything we do to happen overnight. We want someone to love us immediately, we want our dream to be fulfilled in an instant, we want to success in 30 days, we want Ah Heng or Ahmad to received Christ now (and we said, 'If not, you'll go to hell!') and we want our food to be prepare quickly! Tag Short writes, "The secret of our success is found in our daily agenda".

            Step by step, One by one, Brick by brick. To build a long-term relationship for example, requires us to wade through a few things that a difficult, work for many things that are needed, wait on something that take time and wave good-bye ("selamat jalan") to personal things that are selfish. Relationship is developed daily, not in the day.
            Becoming a Christian also require time. It's the never ending process to shape our character, attitude and discipline to be more in the likeness of Christ. It never end once we say the sinner's prayer, been baptized or attending church regularly. We need to grow day by day one step at the time; by taking risk, through failures and successes. Our life is not an ending goal but a process to become more and more like Christ. You may fall, you may fail but nothing is impossible with God.

            When my cousin, Agapitus was a baby, I always play with him. The first time he attempts to walk, I looked at how he begins to straighten his legs, shaking yet strong. He holds tight to the chair nearby, I watched him carefully and ready to catch him whenever I sense danger. Day by day he tried, and day by day he failed. "Maybe a baby don't know what does it mean to give up", I said. A month later, he "shows off" to me about his 'success' and walks straight to his mother without anyone’s help- he did it! His mother smiled and filled with joy. I saw it, I witnessed it, I observed it that Agapitus didn't learn how to walk overnight; he does it daily; step by step.

       
If you want to achieve something, the good news is that you can do it. Everyone has a God-given potential within themselves, but it isn't accomplished overnight. It requires perseverance. Along the process; failures or success, give praise to the Lord.

“Stairs are climbed step by step.” (Turkish Proverb)

Go out and Play: Do you remember?

"The great man is he that does not lose his child's-heart" - Mencius

Do you remember the time when you looked back at the old photo albums of your family or your childhood pictures? Do you remember? Your father's mustache like an old Hitler or Sarjan Hassan?Your mother's hippie hair style? (And we wonder where all the bees and flies)Those tight big bottom pant your brother wear, the tighter it was the macho they feel? Your sister's high sock? Okay, with stripe black and white? (Or black and pink?)Or how huge was your family phone Motorola? And its charger? Like what? 3-4 hours to achieved full bars?Your 'lover of my heart' sitting positions in class during class photo time?And is the 'X' sign permanently marked at your 'don't like' lists of people in school?

Okay, do you remember saying this when you recalled back those school pictures; "Where are they now?", "What a dumb face I was!", "Oh (name), I can't believe that she/he looks awesome today! I should be her/his couple last time... hmmm..." and the most classic quote that people always say is this:"I wish I can go back to the old day, and do this and that." I ask myself the same question too and perhaps you did. (Yap you did, don't you? If not in English maybe in your own language) Now, let’s go to our childhood activities... do you remember that every games have it own season? At one time we played kite during winter weather, fishing during rainy weather, football or futsal during dry sunny day. Do you remember the time when we play hide and seek with our cousins and next door kids at our old grandfather's house? (In my case we played inside forest not far from my parent house) Do you remember your 'deadly' sling shot??? Yeah! We sling birds, squirrels, our neighbor's chickens and even fish. Do you remember how creative we were (are), we can make weapons, games and enjoyed natures very much until we forget to went back home? With childhood friends we laugh together, we cry together, we hits by our mother together (even not at the same time) when we refused to buy kitchen items for them and we run, climb that rocky hills... do you remember?

At school, do you remember?Writing those love letters or hired someone to wrote for you, composed poets and poems and sprayed some 'perfume' to impress our loved one? Or if you never done the above, do you remember that you became their 'official' postman for your friends? When during chemistry class, you accidentally broke the equipment and hide it inside those cupboard or rubbish bin? Throwing paper plane to your poor fellow friends sitting in front when teacher wrote something on blackboard? Do you remember, when your teacher sent our report card, and we just want to find out if they really record our mark accurately? And the feeling when we need to give it to our parent to sign out? (At one time when my report was not good, I signed it on behalf of my father) Oh this is fun, do you remember right after we listened to that 'ting... ting... ting...' sound we rushed our way to go back, ignored our teacher in front of us? Before he said, "Baiklah kelas, untuk esok kerja rum...a...ah" We said, "Jumpa lagi Cikgu!" and off we go...

You probably have some sort of this childhood memories, some maybe or all the above... do you remember, isn't it was fun? I really need to add on to this one; my friends and I, when we were on our way to town we either cycling or walking along housing area, we would push the button on every houses in that area and run as fast as we can... It was fun... chasing by dogs of course... and I successfully plucked out the 'star' sign from someone's Mercedes Benz car and imagining that I can become Ultraman with it. It was fun.

Now that we are all grown up; some in college, some still looking for job and some had start to work and having family. Some of us very often using the word 'busy' 'I have no time' 'I need to achieve my goals' etc. we forget that time past by very fast. Yesterday we ask, "Mom, I want you to do this for me', today, 'what can I do for you mom?" and tomorrow it’s our time to ask, "Son, I can't do this no more". Do you remember your fun part of being a free and 'open to possibility' childhood memories? Ya? Isn't it fun? When is the last time you get out of the 'business' and play? Yes, just go out and play.

Anthony Robbins advised, "You've worked hard... take a day off to have some fun! Be spontaneous, be outrageous, do something that takes you outside yourself. What would create the most excitement for you?"

Don't be too serious sometime... play!

Week 10: Let go - Dare to be no.2?

No.2: I have problems with this number. It doesn't sound right. Really, for me either I'll be the last (or not included in the lists at all) or the first are the only place I want to be. I want to be lead singer and not drummer (Done that!); I want to be on the spotlight, not sound system engineer; I want my name to appeared in notice board with bold and underline or if possible with some fancy color so that people may notice which one was mine, not with small font and italic; I want everyone to accept my way is the best of all, while theirs are just addition to choices etc. These are my example. Do you familiar with that? I can add hundred more example of what I want to highlight in this note- that we are all sometime somehow; -self-centered. John C. Maxwell writes:

If I like it, it's mine.
If I can take it away from you, it's mine.
If had it a while ago, it's mine.
If I say it is mine, it's mine.
If it looks like mine, it's mine.
If I saw it first, it's mine.
If you're having fun with it, it's definitely mine.
If you lay it down, it's mine.

If it is broken, it's YOURS.

It is hard to let go, yes, it's hard to ignore the question: "How about me?" Today, there's almost no reward for second place. Song by Abba, "The Winner takes it ALL" was composed base on real life story, yes, winner takes it all- the popularity, news coverage, people's attention, large sums of money and the worst of all could be our loved one’s heart. But give me your precious 5 minutes to show you the best sides of being 2nd most important person:

1) In reverse, you're the most important person.
Example, if lay and unknown citizens didn't voted for President Obama or YB Hannah Yeoh or our Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak in their election's day, these important persons cannot become what they are today. You could be an usher, parking enforcement worker, Sunday school teacher or cleaner in the church you're important! You could be a dishwasher (like my mother), telephone receptionist, store boy, normal staff, janitor, plumber etc; you are important, without you none of the 'big' person 'big'.

2) You can set your ego aside.
My girl friends said men are full of ego. I would like to justify that, let’s face it: We have our own ego regardless our gender. When you start to think that you're number one: You expect to be no.1, want to be treated like no.1 and with nose up high- you're no.1 (at least in our own though) - when the truth is reveal, which is: "No one is better than anyone" because as we experienced, there're always someone is better than us- we will burst to shame! Therefore, isn't it better to think ourselves as no.2?

3) So that the other person can be no.1
Years ago, people claimed that I'm the funniest guy they ever knew. Of course, I like to live with that. With this 'title' and confident I can wins people to myself easily. Whenever try-to-be-funny guy try to get my 'flock'- I would simply drive then away with my ultimate jokes jutsu. (Japanese word for technique) Then, I realized that what I did is not fair for other who also has talent with sense of humor. Now when ever I meet someone funny, I would like to laugh together and let them be the main character under the spotlight. What are you good at now? Will you let someone else to rise and shine? Can you take a step backward, and let the other one step closer?

4) When the time is right, God Himself will lift you Up.
When you take a step backward to let others one step forward, not just people will recognize your selflessness but that will draw the attentions heavenward. In His Time, He will lift you up! I said in His time because lets face it; don't we just want everything to be fulfilled in our own timing? My brother, Warren working at bottle factory, handling machines so that it can work properly and to make sure that the shape of the bottles is according to the standard. I observed that he never complaint of being the least in the company. I'm proud of him because he almost never compared himself with others and because of this he's the best in what he does. One Sunday morning my mom asking him, "Why you need to work on Sunday?” He replied, "Because my friend is having his emergency holiday" "Can anyone else doing it?” my mother curiously asking. "Nobody mom, only me and John (his friend) can handle the machine." After 3 years my brother was promoted as Store Keeper. Maybe for you it's not a big deal, but for me, his humble attitude not to compare himself with others who are better in positions gave me a life time lesson: Don't rush your way to be a number 1, rush your way to be the best in what you do NOW. Who knows, when the time is right, God Himself will lift you up.
Learn to be number 2, focus on others, let go of 'me' attitude, involve others in what you do, let people know you need them, give compliments freely, tell others that 'you can do it!' sincerely and keep your eyes off the mirror. Les Parrott said, "Success in life has everything to do with what you do for others". Now, do you dare to be No.2?

Life is Useless UNTIL...

It is useless, useless, said the writer of this note. Life is useless, all useless. Yesterday, today and tomorrow the same: the sun rises and it goes down, going wearily back to where it must start all over again. Monday until Sunday start over and over again, repeating 7 days a week. I hope some days are longer than the others but all are 24 hours, no more; no less. I wake up, breathe, sleep and wake up again. This is useless, all is useless. What has happened before will happen again.

So I said to myself, "Now that I'm 12, I want to do and test everything so that I can find the meaning of this life!”. I ate foods as many as I want but it didn't work permanently. Then I exercise as hard as I can to remain slim but what's the use? Healthy or not soon I'm gonna die too. It is useless. If I eat fruits, vegetables and juice everyday the doctor said that you need some meat. When I eat meat, expert would say it is not good for your health, 'You should eat moderate". Then when I eat moderate, they said eat more this and less that- but what's the use? Soon or later accident may occur and the healthy men die but the sick men will be alive; or worst both die at the same time. This is crazy, all is useless.

I decided to enjoy myself and find out what happiness is. I smoke cigarettes attempt to be cool, I steal someone else belonging for the purpose of having 'fun', I said the cursing words, hits someone with stick/wood, punch my fist and kick the face of my enemies, I watch pornography for my quick pleasure, I joined gamblers 'fun' activities; buy ticket 4D, playing cards etc- nothing can lead to happiness but sorrow and loneliness. This is useless, yes, just a short term happiness, all is useless. But I also discovered that stop smoking doesn't make me more righteous than before, being honest doesn't necessary end with trust, say the good things yet people will doubt your motives, being nice to my enemies and they will 'spear' you at your back (ever sometime friends do that do), watch religious channel doesn't make me holy and stop gambling is not stopping at all because in making everyday decision- I have to make a 'gambling' choices. Useless, what is this but a useless life! I drank wine, rice wine, beer and almost all the famous drunkard beverages for the sake of forgetting all the trouble life have gave me yet tomorrow when I woke up: the thought is coming back in the flash! It had been chasing the wind. Useless!

Finally as I grown up, I said, "Ha... ha... what a fool I was! Chasing after useless things, I can't have my dream house if I keep on like this, I must have money. Money, money, money!” So I work hard to gain it. When I received my salary, I spent it all. Enjoy and please my heart desire- very soon, it all finished! So I plan to keep some every month. If 1 month I keep RM200, then in 20 years I will accumulate RM48, 000! But what if I die 1 years or 2 days later or 1 minute before midnight? Where this money would goes? Even if I earned RM1Million per year, what will it benefits me if I can't take it to the grave and spent it in the after life? This is useless! So what, should I be poor? No! I don't want to beg for money. Moderate? This is useless too! It doesn't guarantee my safety.

But I advice you: Enjoy your youth, do what you want to do, and follow your heart's desire. Since we are in the world, enjoy what it had to offer with wisdom and thanksgiving. Free yourself from worry. What is our life? For we are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes

. Useless, oh… it all useless~

My enemies said, "Isn't you made to be success and dominance over the earth especially created for you?" You fool! Why then, is my Creator want me to gain something that doesn't last forever? Is He so selfish that He want me to hold on to the things of the earth? He gives reward to those who trust in Him. No guarantee that He will bless me on this earth in material possessions, though some He may bless with it for His own purpose- but I'm sure He will bless those who trust in Him in the afterlife.

Then I remember my Creator. I looked at my body; it grows old, decay... day by day... cell by cell... I'm dying and useless...what will remain is my soul. My soul will live forever. My being is in my soul. My emotion is in my soul. My soul will not die, I know that. My Creator created me with soul that reflects to who He is: eternal being. Oh my soul, what I'm gonna do with it? I must be sure now because my eternal life depend on where would I end up with and with whom. He said by Grace through Faith I shall be save not by my work that I may boast. What a relief, because I don't know how much more I should do to be sure, how much 'work' can I achieve to be ready and not living in wonder of either I can make it or not. This is real Hope! So my only choice is to accept His Grace through Faith and also in respond, I, with all I can, keep His commandments with fear and joy. Oh my soul, where will you go? For what is a man profited if he shall gain the whole world and lose his own soul?

My God what shall I do? "None", He said. "It's finished!"

"What do you mean???" the writer said. I walked to and fro in my small room at Petaling Jaya.

...

Then, I whispered, "What is the Truth?"...

---The End---
(P.S: Inspired by the book of Ecclesiastes. Life is useless until we have a purpose to live)