August Free Books: Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married

“A survey revealed that 87% of single adults between the ages of 20 and 30 affirmed, ‘I want to have one marriage that will last for a life time’” (Gary Chapman)

It was almost 2 years since I’m away for work at oversea (Peninsular Malaysia actually, it sound extravagance though), then, after I went back home to Kuching, my mother asked me a motherly-question-of-all-time, “When you will get married?”

My grandparents asked a different question with the same point, “Where is your wife?”

Friends on the other hand don’t want to miss the moment when they asked,
“Maybe next year, bro?”

As for now, my answer is still the same, “Not so soon… marriage is a serious business.”or sometime I just smile.

Marriage is not like a Nike tagline, “Just do it!” (“Just married!”) Plans have to be made, early preparations should be workout, and if possible, learn from others their mistakes or successes as much as you can. I always keep this in mind; Be friends with many, be best friends to few and married to only one. When Mr. and Mrs. Hendry Ford celebrated their golden wedding anniversary, a reporter asked them,

“To what do you attribute your 50^th years of successful married life?”

“The formula is the same one I’ve used in making cars,” said Ford. “Just stick to one model!”

I heard news from fellow friends who are very rush in making decision to getting married too early or without think things through end up with bad reports – scandals, divorced, broken home, major conflicts, abandoned children, financially poor, etc. Marriage is not all honey and no bees, but it is wise for us to prepare ourselves to avoid such negative outcomes.

For month August free books, I would like to give you a copy of Dr. Gary Chapman book entitle, Things I wish I’d Known Before We Got Married. There are only 3 books available for you to request. Among twelve things you should know:

·        That being in love is not enough to make a successful marriage

·        That apologizing is a sign of strength

·        That I was marrying into a family

·        That spirituality is not to be equated with ‘going to church’

Mind you, this book is not necessary for those who will get married soon or in their early year of marriage but it is also (especially) for single you and single me who consider that marriage are sacred (two become one) and we want to take it seriously… marriage is a serious business! Peace be with you.

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Do you want to have a copy of this book? Do these 2 things:

1)    Comment below “Dude, I want to have one copy_(Your name)”

2)    E-mail me at Motivates4life@hotmail.com or send message to my Facebook your real name, phone no. and your postal address.

Week 54: Potential - We are God's Masterpiece

“We are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” (Ephesians 2:10NLT)

“You were created for achievement. You have been given the seeds for greatness. What is greatness? What is achievement? It is doing what God want you to do and being where He wants you to be.” (John L. Mason)

Recently, I and my family were having a holiday together to Penang for 4 days. It is my trademark to pack moderately and just bring only basic items whenever I’m going for camp or trip or holiday. Accidently, only later I discovered that I didn’t bring my hand phone charger. The battery was dead after 2 days. Although my hand phone has the potential for communications etc., without recharging the battery it is useless.

You have within you the potential that God had install in you. You are not insignificant. Make the most of yourself, for that is all that God made you. You’re a masterpiece. You are gifted. You’re created in the image of a loving and holy God, which means you have the potential to reflect all of his marvelous characteristics. But just like my hand phone without a power from battery; you can’t reach your greatest potential without the power of Holy Spirit, that only God can give.

I love to read books from Norman Vincent Peale and I will always continue to read self-help books for personal developments. But I do not agreed with all of what he said (and some other writers as well, including Christian authors) when he writes, “Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.” That is a lie and unbiblical content. The truth is within yourself you don’t have the power to reach your full potential. Only by God’s power working in you can you reach your fullest potential.

Your full potential is found in God alone

Ronald A. Beers advices, “Your full potential is found in what God can do through you, not what you can do by yourself. Take an honest appraisal of yourself; you don’t want to be proud because of the gifts and abilities God had given you, yet you don’t want to be so self-effacing that you fail to use your gifts and abilities for God’s glory.”

See yourself through God’s eyes

In the Book of Judges chapter 6, an angel greeted a timid and coward Gideon by calling him a ‘mighty hero’. Do you know what he does? He was hiding from his enemies! At this point you might doubt God’s judgment by asking, “Are you talking to the right person?” You’re identified with Gideon because once in a while you and I did the same thing. Hiding. Feeling so unworthy. But God in the Bible knew the potential he had given Gideon, and he called him to use it, and lo and behold, Gideon the Coward had became Gideon the Champion. (Read further chapters for clarification)

 Are you just a stone?

I read and record an interesting story about how two people sees a stone in a different way. Antonio, a sculptor, chipped away at a stone and could do nothing with it. So he tossed it away. Later Michelangelo took it and carved one of the greatest statues of all times, the statue of David. He saw the potential in the stone. Yes, more over God sees you more than just a

stone. More than a mere clay and dust… He sees beyond your limitations, He sees at your potential!

“With God’s help we will do mighty things.” (Psalms 60:12NLT)

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.

Superlatives of Life, Supernova of Lessons

“More important than length of life is how we spend each day.” (Marcia A. Fustado)

“You only live once – but if you work it right, once is enough.” (Joe E. Lewis)

I love to read books and listen to audiobooks on the subject of Christian living, Leadership, Inspiration, a bit of ancient mysteries and business (for general knowledge) – and of course self-help. Yes, self-help books. I’m interest in the study of life and human potentials.

A recent research on Amazon.com turned up 18,726 self-help titles, while Barnes & Noble claimed 23,070 books in this same category! People around the world are curious about the mystery of life, and how to live a more fulfilling life. (No wonder Rick Warren’s The Purpose-Driven Life (2002) sold millions of copies around the world!)

Recently, I found a short article or rather a summary on the most essentials SUPERLATIVES of Life. I thought it would be helpful for me to share with the curious, the seekers, the lifetime students, and the “who-want-to-improve-your-life” readers to noted the summary below;  

The most destructive habit: Worry

The greatest joy: Giving

The greatest loss: Loss of self-respect

The most satisfying work: Helping others

The ugliest personality trait: Selfishness

The most endangered species: Dedicated leaders

The greatest natural resources: Our youth (You!)

The greatest ‘short in the arm’: Encouragement

The greatest problem to overcome: Fear

The most effective sleeping pill: Peace of Mind

The most crippling decease: Excuses

The most powerful force in life: Love

The most dangerous enemy: A gossip

The world’s most incredible computer: The Brain

The worst thing to be without: Hope

The deadliest weapon: The tongue

The two most power-filled words: I can

The greatest asset: Faith

The most worthless emotion: Self-pity

The most beautiful attire: A smile

The most prized possession: Integrity

The most powerful channel of communication: Prayer

The most contagious spirit: Enthusiasm

THINK BIG The most precious gift from God: “The mind of Christ” (1 Corinthians 2:16ESV)

START SMALL The most crucial part in doing God’s work: Listening to the Master’s voice

GO DEEP The greatest desire: Desiring God

Did you receive the Supernova of lessons already? I hope you do.

My best friend is my best! (Part 2)

Part 2 : Toxic Friend

 

Toxic? Chemical romance out of friendship is it? (giggle) . No my dearest reader.

Florence Isaacs explains that a toxic friendship is unsupportive, draining, unrewarding, stifling, unsatisfying, and often unequal. “Toxic friends stress you out, use you, are unreliable, are overly demanding, and don’t give anything back.”

These are some of the many ‘types’ and characteristics a of toxic friend could have:
(I edited and cited from: http://www.beautyfool.net/what-are-toxic-friends-and-how-do-i-get-rid-of-them/)

The Gossiper

She thrives on gossip, scandal and drama. She bad mouths everyone and makes you think what she could be saying about you. You have probably met a lot of these people in high school!

The Wet Blanket/Victim. 

She only calls you when there is something wrong in her life. In fact, her life motto is ‘Woe is me.’ When it’s all good, you never hear from her. This friend takes you for granted and has appointed you as their personal therapist. You could be having a wonderful day and a phone call from her can bring you down and completely wear you out.

The Envious One. 

Let’s be very honest – girls are very catty, and most of it steams from insecurity. This is the friend that very subtly criticizes you, makes everything a competition, and even sounds happy when you are having a bad day.

The User. 

A person who has identified that you have/know something that they want. Whether it is for them to further their career, or as simple as you have a hot brother and she wants to get with him! Either way, this person is just using you for their own benefit and provides absolutely nothing to your life.
For an example, I used to be friend a wealthy kids back in University, most of the time, he would pay for my dinner or movies or buy me things. Well, we are friend, we shared right. I have a bunch of another friend which likes to ask favor from him using my name or while with my presence, buzz or chat with me in Facebook as if we are best of bestiest. This bunch of friend would cheers for me whenever they see me and the wealthy guy entering cafeteria. After I graduated, this ‘’another bunch of friend’’ is no more contacting me, not even saying "hi" in Facebook. This has proven, they were just cheering on me to get the wealthy guy to pay for their food. But the wealthy guy is still being a good friend of mine.

How to solve it? Here are few of my suggestions:

Set Boundaries.
When you are helping a friend but they are hurting you in the process, nobody is feeling good and nothing productive is happening – this is what happened to me. In general though, you can simply learn to start saying ‘no’. No to 20 phone calls a day about her ex boyfriend. No to insulting anyone in your family. No to calling you last minute and expecting you to drop everything to see her. It is hard, because at the same time you want to be there for a friend but you have to set boundaries.

Speak to Them.

This is probably the hardest … If you would like to give this friendship another go, there is no other way to change it then to honestly speak to them about how you are feeling. Stand up for yourself and tell them you won’t take their trouble anymore.

Don’t be a Toxic Friend yourself!
We all do it sometimes. I definitely am guilty of pouring out my sorrows to a friend a little too often and I am the worse at replying calls, especially text messages. It has made me realize that the friendships I were persuing were with the wrong people and the friendships I left alone are my real friends. Life is a learning process though, so try to be a good friend yourself and have friendships with everyone while practicing honesty and love. When you do meet these special people, cherish them.
 

Above all fast to Forgive
Seventy times seven. In Matthew 18:21-22, we read, Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?”
“No!” Jesus replied, “seventy times seven!” What does this mean?
Unlimited In Luke 17:3-4, Jesus says, “I am warning you! If another believer sins, rebuke him; then if he repents, forgive him. Even if he wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again and asks forgiveness, forgive him.”

Click HERE for Part 1: Knowing your Friend’s Quality

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Priscilla Andrew is from Miri, Sarawak. She's a daddy girl, so we might assume that she's quite a tough young lady. She loves to quote, ''Look at the world with your heart not with your head'' Writing on Being a Woman doesn't mean she's there already, this is a long term process. But along the way; she's learning and that's when this note come into written words.

Week 53: Compassion is Your pain in My Heart

“Moved with compassion, Jesus reached out and touched him.” (Mark 1:41)

“You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate.” (Luke 6:36)

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” (Unknown)

“What you have learned from this relief work trip?” asked Chong Sock Lee, my team leader, on the last night at Japan. There are dozens of lessons I’ve learned, but only few I wrote on the paper. One of it I verbalized during our Malaysian team debriefing;

“I have learned to see people in a difference way. Everyone have their own story of joy and pain. Daily we rub shoulders with the ‘walking wounded’, it just we don’t know… sometime we don’t care enough. When I see the tsunami victims, I felt compassion for them.” (not exactly my dialog but the point is true)

For Christians, to have compassion is to become the healing presence of Christ to others.  Compassion means feeling with and for others. Compassion drives us to extending mercy and helping others in a practical ways. Ronald A. Beers writes “Compassion is a tearing of the heart, a true caring, a quality deeply seated in your emotions that inspires you respond to another person in need.” Compassion as I see it is feelings back up by actions.

During school time in chemistry class, Madam Wee, (or Madam Wong, I don’t remember) our teacher teaches us how to identify/ differentiate between acidic and alkaline liquid by using litmus paper. So it is with your level of compassion. It is a litmus test of your commitment and desire to love others as Christ loves you. To be Christlike is to showed compassion to the social outcasts, crowds, beggars, women, foreigners, the hungry, the poor, the grieving, the physically impaired, the mental deranged and the culturally marginalized.

If when you see people in need and it doesn’t move your heart to have compassion for them, you may have developed a deathly spiritual decease called – a heart of stone. Overtime when Christ’s love doesn’t reside in you, eventually your heart become too hard to respond to others or even God.

Keep company with Jesus. Showing his compassion whether or not it is received or recognized, learn to have a love that keeps no record of wrongs, becoming a source of comfort and encouragement to others, loving others not just in word but in deed and in truth, sharing your resources and time, noticing those who are in needs, etc. Have compassion, practice compassion and be compassionate!

Adele Ahlberg Calhoun suggests few more practices to develop the heart of compassion;

·         Seeking to heal wounds rather than react to the wounded

·         Showing mercy rather than passing judgment

·         Reading the newspaper or listening to the news as a call to prayer and compassion

·         Volunteering for some form of community-based service of compassion

·         Visiting those who are sick, hospitalized, unable to drive and attending to their needs and desires with patient love.

I have to repeat this: Compassion is the desire to become the healing presence of Christ to others. It is our choices that will reveal whether the Christian today becomes known as a well-spring of compassion or a group of religious people who are not really care for others.

THINK BIG What would Jesus do? (WWJD)

START SMALL See, Feel, Act and Pray

GO DEEP Jesus said, “I have compassion for these people.” (Matthew 15:32)

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 References:

a)      Spiritual Disciplines handbook: Practice that Transform Us by Adele Ahlberg © 2005 by InterVarsity Press.

b)      Divine Moments: Everyday Inspiration from God’s Word by Ronald A. Beers and Amy E. Mason © 2008 by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

My best friend is my best! (Part 1)

The picture caption : (2007)
We always wear the same clothe.
I was slim that year but
now she is slimmer than i do.

Part 1: Knowing your Friend’s Quality

Have u heard about the story of David and Goliath? Of course majority of us knows the story. Did David be friend with Goliath after the defeat? Of course not, Goliath died. However, David is friend with King Saul’s son, named Jonathan. Not because David is strong and popular with his ‘Goliath K.O match’ but because their soul knitted as they meet each (1 samuel 18:1)

Do you remember the first time u meet your best friend? Yeah I do.

Tericia Lee and I met in the year of 2007, during our university open day. She was the college tour guide and I was the Open day committee. I didn’t realize her presence because I was popular back in uni so I have this kind of attitude not to be friend with everybody, until the next day, Kuching Parade, the whole school has to parade while wearing Malaysia traditional clothe. She approached me as if we have met.She captured my heart by opening my heart to call her ‘friend’. To cut story short, since then we have been developing our friendship until now.

Friendship is the same as any other label of relationship in this world, it has ups and downs. Tericia and I ever fought and not talking to each other for 2 weeks. I burst into tears as she willing to say sorry first despite the fact of her age is younger than I do because I reacted immature by not saying sorry first. The sweetest and touched moment ever in friendship, is when she stood up for me in the public when people gossiping about me or provoking me. Just like Jonathan in the Bible stood up for David not to be killed by King Saul (Jonathan own father).

Jesus is the pure example of a true friend, for He laid down His life for His "friends." What is more, anyone may become His friend by trusting in Him as his personal savior, being born again and receiving new life in Him.

Click HERE for Part 2: Toxic Friend

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Priscilla Andrew is from Miri, Sarawak. She's a daddy girl, so we might assume that she's quite a tough young lady. She loves to quote, ''Look at the world with your heart not with your head'' Writing on Being a Woman doesn't mean she's there already, this is a long term process. But along the way; she's learning and that's when this note come into written words.

Who is in Control?

“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.” (Corrie ten Boom)

 Do you remember where you were and what you were doing when you heard the news that the World Trade Centre was attacked by terrorists on September 11th?

Do you remember where you were and what you were doing when you heard the news that 9.0 earthquake causes tsunami that destroyed parts of Japan on March 11th?

Of course you do. Both events touched the heart and soul of the whole world. You stared at the news headline. You browsed the internet to get more information about it. You brought newspaper every morning. Where were you? What you were doing? In a moment you’re frozen in time, ‘Is this real?’ you asked yourself, ‘Is the world will come to an end?’ you continued.  Yes, in the moment you were frozen in time, the world held its breath, hoping, praying that the headlines were a mistake.

Recently I read the Book of Isaiah and the verse 6:1 struck my eyes to see, pierced my heart to trust and moved my fingers to write. This is the Word of God, “In the year King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord. He was sitting on a lofty throne, and the train of His robe filled the Temple.” (NLT)

“In the year King Uzziah died…” You got to understand, in the Bible, King Uzziah was one of the most beloved monarchs in Judah’s history. A good man, who had rules for more than half a century, was dead. The loss of King Uzziah from Judah was like the lost of President Kennedy from America. King Uzziah tragic death leaves an enormous leadership vacuum in the nation.

“How will we get along without the good King Uzziah?”

“What will happen to us and our nation?”

“What will the future hold?”

Then Isaiah saw something beyond awesome. He saw the Lord, “sitting on a lofty throne”. He saw hope in the midst of uncertainty. He saw light in the darkness cave of fear. John MacArthur in his study bible describes ‘lofty throne’ as the throne that was greatly elevated, emphasizing the Most High God. Instead of forever grief for the loss, Isaiah was focusing on holy, awesome, Almighty God. Suddenly his fears melted away and his questions seemed unimportant.

Who was in control? God was in control! Even though the king of Judah had passed off the scene, the King of the Universe would continue to rule forever. He is still in control today, at this present moment as you read this article. Could it be your hope is crumble, your fear for the future elevate and there’s no peace in your mind… remember this: God is still in control. His present in your life will bring comfort and confidence that defies human explanation, even in the face of tragedy.

THINK BIG Every loss leaves a space that can be filled by God’s present. 

START SMALL Trust that He will make it right in His divine time. 

GO DEEP He is still in control.

Men search for Significance

“There are three tenses to a person’s life: What he is, what he has become, and what he is becoming.” (Aristotle)

“The great use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.” (William James)

I love to read the Book of Proverbs in the Bible. But my favorite is the Book of Ecclesiastes. Song of Songs is at the bottom of the lists (Though it is an interesting book to read!). These three books historically attributed to King Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived. But do you notice how these books parallel to King Solomon’s life?

Song of Songs was written when Solomon early in his life was full of youthful passion, as John Piper puts it, “…a dramatic celebration of the romantic love between a man and a woman.” Then Proverbs was written based on when Solomon in his midlife had learned much about the important of choices, good and bad, and being wise. Finally, Ecclesiastes was composed when Solomon in later life had discovered the bitterness of empty pursuits, and the high price of ‘chasing after the wind’ of useless pursuits.

In today’s book of pursuit life, one of the most effective tools to distract, to disable and to destroy men to the never ending desire for significance is the phrase “If only...”

“If only I could get a high Master PhD, then I’m on my way”

“If only I could find a job, then I’d have status and worth”

“If only I could have a girl/boyfriend get married and have a family, then I’d be truly happy.”

“If only I could win the lottery, then I’d be set for life.”

“If only…. bla bla bla…”

Most people don’t know what they want, but it is something different from what they have. King Solomon the wisest, the richest, the most successful, the most married, the most almost-everything in the Bible repeatedly with a disappointed voice (as I imagine he must be) said, “It is all meaningless, like chasing the wind.” Purpose and meaning can never be found in the ‘If only’ or anywhere else. Maybe that’s why at the end of Solomon’s long lecture about the meaningless of life concludes with these words, “Fear God and obey his commands, for this is the duty of every person” (Ecclesiastes 12:13). The hymn writer put it this way, I quotes;

“Trust and obey, for there’s no other way,

To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.” 

Where can we find the meaning of life? In whom or what we should look for significance in the pursuit of life? It is in the Giver of Life himself – God who is the Creator ‘of heavens and earth’. (Genesis 1:1) Let your search end with Jesus Christ, and you will never be disappointed. Amen.

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.

“He’s so big, I can’t miss.”

“To the optimist, all doors have handles and hinges; to the pessimist, all doors have locks and latches.” (William Arthur Ward)

“Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.” (Art Linkletter)

To tell you the truth; I’m not everyday optimist but I have decided to be an optimist person. Mother said that every morning she can smell swine wastes, I replied thank God you have nose. Mother said you don’t have car, I replied I don’t need to buy petrol. Mother said we are poor, I replied we are happy. Mother said she always cook for us, I replied, “You are a great chief!” Then she continued, “Yes, you have me as your mother.” What an optimist mother!

A reporter asked Billy Graham if the evangelist was an optimist or a pessimist.

“Oh,” he said, “I’m an optimist!”

“How can you be an optimist,” asked the reporter, “when your sermons are so full of warnings about God’s judgment and the sins, immorality, and perversions of mankind?”

“I’m optimistic,” said Graham, “because I’ve read the end of the book. I’ve read the biblical prophecies of Christ’s return and Satan’s defeat.”

Have you read about young David defeated the giant Goliath? When Goliath went to the Israelite, the soldiers all thought, “He’s so big, we can never kill him.” But David looked at him and thought, “He’s so big, I can’t miss.”

Now go back to the reality; like I said I’m not entirely an optimist who believes that everything will be fine and the best will always happen. (Sir Harold Wilson said, “I’m an optimist, but I’m an optimist who carries a raincoat.”) Not in this part of the world! But optimist recognizes a responsibility in every crisis; the pessimist sees a crisis in every responsibility. To an optimist, an alarm clocks ring is an invitation to opportunity, adventure, and service.

How to you see your works now? Do you see your assignments as a great opportunity to Glorified God? Can you see that your conditions or whatever situations you’re in now as an opportunity for you to have more intimate relationship with God? I hope you’ll be more optimists day after day. Read your Bible for assurance… Jesus be with you.

THINK BIG.START SMALL.GO DEEP.

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Related Post:

Be an Optimist Prime, not a Negatron.

The Ant Philosophy

“Go to the ant, O sluggard, observe her ways and be wise, which, having no chief, officer or ruler, prepares her food in the summer and gathers her provision in the harvest.” (Proverbs 6:6-8)

“The ants are not a strong people, but they prepare their food in the summer.” (Proverbs 30:25)

The ant picture a creature which survive due to natural instinct. The wisdom of this small insect reveals the beauty of the wise Creator and His creation. Therefore during ancient time; the ant always becomes a model for the principle that labor, diligent, planning, and resourcefulness are better than strength. Wisdom is superior to might and muscle. “O sluggard, observe her ways…” simply mean; dear lazy people learn from an ant!

Recently, I received a weekly e-mail by Jim Rohn International. This week they share about the four-part philosophy on the study of the ants. It is an interesting observation by late Jim Rohn and as I read it, I remember the profound reminders by wise counsels of the old in the Book of Proverbs. Just like the perseverance of ants when you try to stop or block them with your fingers (or in my case; when I was a little kid, I blocked their way with shampoo bubbles and hot plastic bag fire ball!) they will always find their way. So it is, with this four-part philosophy, it persevere over time.

The Ant Philosophy by Jim Rohn

(Summarized and edited mine)

1.     First, ants never quit.

“That’s a good philosophy. If they’re headed somewhere and you try to stop them, they’ll look for another way. They’ll climb over, they’ll climb under, and they’ll climb around. They keep looking for another way. What a neat philosophy, to never quit looking for a way to get where you’re supposed to go.”

2.     Second, ants think winter all summer.

“That’s an important perspective. You can’t be so naive as to think summer will last forever. So ants are gathering their winter food in the middle of summer.”

3.     Third, ants think summer all winter.

“That is so important. During the winter, ants remind themselves, “This won’t last long – we’ll soon be out of here.” And the first warm day, the ants are out. If it turn cold again, they’ll dive back down, but then they come out the first warm day. They can’t wait to get out.

4.     Lastly, ants gather all he possibly can.

“How much will an ant gather during the summer to prepare for the winter? All he possibly can. What an incredible philosophy, the “all-you-possible-can” philosophy.”

THINK BIG Wisdom is superior to might and muscle.

START SMALL Observe ant ways and be wise.

GO DEEP God can even teach us the way of life through His smallest creature – ant.

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References:

1)    Jim Rohn International, The Ant Philosophy; An amazing Four-part Philosophy for Success. (www.JimRohn.com) Used not by permission… please don’t sue me~

2)    The MacArthur Study Bible NASB©. Used by permission.