Help Child Deal with Divorce #10 Annabel, Be Happy, Have Fun and Enjoy Life (End)

Dear Annabel,

            You asked uncle, ‘It is okay to still laugh and have fun?’ Well of course! :) My prayer and wish are for you to be cheerful again. Divorce is not the end of your life, it’s just the beginning of a new and different chapter. Laughter and fun are great stress relievers and having fun with your friends can help you deal with what’s going on. Don’t feel guilty if you are having a good time even when your parents are not. Being miserable will not make it any easier for you or for them. Someone once said: “Some people think that it’s holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it’s letting go.”

            Right now, you might still be in shock and you’re not as happy as you want to. But like what uncle already told you in the past, it won’t always be this way. As time goes by you will find it easier to accept your parents’ divorce and the changes it brings. You may even discover some unexpected positives. I discovered that my parents are happier after the divorce. I get along better with both of my parents when they separated with each other.

I know this might sound weird but coping with divorce can also bring out your strength and maturity. You will become more responsible, independent and thoughtful. I know you will because I see great potentials in you to make a different in other’s lives. You also will become better problem-solvers, better listeners (you can empathize other better) and even better friends. You will be amazed that you can make it through this difficult situation successfully. So be patient. Let others support you and enjoy the good things in life. Be courageous. Be compassionate. Be dependence on God.

Listen… uncle and your aunty are here for you. We always support you. You’re our daughter. I pray you the absolute best as you go through this tough time. You’re not alone. I foresee that you will look back and say, “Wow! That was tough, but I did it. Praise God!”

Laugh more,

Angelus

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.

Help Child Deal with Divorce #2 Annabel, As People Grow They Change

Dear Annabel,

            As people grow, they change. It’s a natural part of life. The same thing happens to some marriages. Your mom and dad change as they grow and perhaps the change doesn’t suit one or both of your parents in the marriage. You know, the same things happened in many friendships – I have already experienced it and you will soon.

            It happened to me. I have a friend in secondary school. We were best friends until we both went to further our studies in different universities. Once awhile we met up and catch up with one another stories. As time goes by, we both started liking different things and hanging out with different people. After 3 years we had both changed so much that we had nothing in common anymore and our friendship ended. Should we have stayed friends because we used to like each other? I don’t think so.

            You know Annabel, after couple being married for a while, some moms and dads even grow closer while others grow further apart. They stop caring. They don’t listen to one another anymore. They yell and fight. They are frustrated and unhappy. Should they stay together just because they used to be in love? Probably not. Commitment, faithfulness, and trust should be established early in the marriage, if not they will easily break. This is the fall of both parents.

Some parents who grow apart stay married because they don’t want to upset their children. You know what? Researchers found that children living with unhappily married parents are often more stressed and less happy than children whose parents are successfully divorced. Maybe amidst this difficulties, dear Annabel, this thing happened to you for your own good. Your mom and dad probably not happy with each other and if they were to continue you won’t be happy either.

   

Uncle admits that this divorce thing is not easy. Parents feel sad. Kids feel awful. Grandparents and siblings don’t know what to do. Friends from both parents don’t know whose side to take. It’s hard. That is why uncle is very proud of you for taking this matter responsively. Believe me, this thing will not stay messy forever and I promise you, my dear, that this divorce actually turns out to be the best thing for the families – for you.  Stay strong, my child!

Love,

Angelus

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.

Help Child Deal with Divorce #1 Annabel, You're Not Alone

Dear Annabel,

            Weeks after your parents divorced, you asked uncle, “Why me? Why are my parents getting divorced? What did I do to deserve this?” This is not your fault. I know this is hard for you, and I want you to know that I’m here for you if you want to share your feelings and thoughts. You’re just like my own daughter. Your father and I are very close, you know that.

            Divorce can make even the smartest person in the world say, “I don’t know what to do or how to feel.” A number of years ago, my parents got divorced too. At that time, I thought it was the worth thing that could ever happen to anyone. I was sad, confused, embarrassed and I couldn’t sleep. My stomach hurt. Many times I asked God, ‘Why?’

            When people get divorced they often have a really hard time. So do their kids. Divorce is an uncomfortable experience for the whole family. Nobody likes it, not even the mom or dad who decided to end the marriage. During my visits to schools and campuses as Christian staff worker, I have spoken to many young people like you whose parents have split up. Most of these students couldn’t find answers to the million questions they had about the divorce. They have been through situation just like you. I’m too. You’re not alone.

            If you want to make sense of it all – this divorce and separations – I want to help you to get through it. I know you are having a hard time trying to understand what’s going in, no matter how brave and strong you are. I hope I can answer some of the difficult questions you might have about what you are experiencing now. I hope my letters to come will gives you the encouragement and strength you need during this tough time. I hope you can overcome this challenging situation out of your parents’ divorce with new hope and understanding. Annabel, believe uncle when I say that you won’t always feel as sad, confused and upset as you are possible feeling right now. Our God is the Father of the fatherless like you and me. The Scripture says, “[Those] who hope in the LORD will renew their strength” (Isaiah 40:31). Be hopeful my child!

                                                                                                            Your friend and uncle,

Angelus

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.

R.I.P. Annie: Find Happiness, Cherish the Past, Move On (End of 'Letters to Annie' Series)

Dear Annie,

It’s been two years since you passed away and it was one of the hardest times that I have ever experienced in my life. At that time, I was completely lost, unable to express what had just happened to those who are close to me, and refused to allow the process of healing begin by closing myself off from everyone around me.

I know that you will never read this letter… but I which our daughter will. Now that you’re gone. Dealing with your death changed me forever, and the second I accepted that was the second I found the strength to live the life I had always dreamed of. I will never be ashamed of my (our) past. It was part of the wounds that makes my life beautiful. I will not give up! Losing you is a painful reminder that life is way too short and precious to be sad all the time. I have found someone else. She is beautiful and she loves the Lord deeply. I know that you would want nothing more than for me to be happy — not the day-to-day-getting-by-content-happy – but truly happy. With her, I have joy!

When you’re gone, I used to tell myself, “Keep yourself busy.” I did. But now I realised that keeping myself busy doing something that doesn’t make me happy only made me more miserable. It didn’t make the time go by faster — it made each day seem more and more meaningless. So, I keep myself busy taking the time to figure out what it is that I love to do and what God would want me to do. Even though you’re gone, God is here with me. He is my hope – my only hope! I’m grateful that God never leave me. And that is most important than continuously missing you. Is this not the perfect time for me to live with purpose? To motivate myself, embrace my newfound strength and take a chance to wake up every morning grateful? What makes me happy? God! Annabel, our daughter! Family! Friends! Colleagues! And her.

I appreciate our time together. Memories and conversations that we had. But I will move on. I must move on. I’m moving on. I learned that through these struggles (in the past) build my character. My experiences make me unique. I will not be ashamed of our past but from now on, I savour the present and I will only look at the future – with God and His Spirit. With our daughter and someone new.

                                    Regards,

Richard

[To read all of the precious Letters to Annie, click HERE]

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.

Letters to Annabel: Treat Addictive Substances Like Poison

My daughter Annabel,

            A total of 131,841 drug addicts have been registered in Malaysia between January 2010 and February 2016. Papa is burdened for young people nowadays. Among them are youth aged 19 and below amounted to 8,732 people, that’s the ones that we know of, reported cases. But how about those youth in rural areas? Papa read news last year that one in four students in Sarawak's most northern district of Lawas have been found to be taking drugs. It seems that drug dealers are now targeting youths and students. Oh Anna, nothing can break papa’s heart when I think about this… God saves Malaysia!

            Last month papa did a motivational talk at boy’s home, I chatted with them after that. Most of them said they taking drugs due to peer influence and out of curiosity. Dr. Tam Cai Lian, lecturer from Monash University said it well: “Research shows that the social pressure to belong, to be accepted, and to be part of a social group, especially in teenagers, prompts them to conform to their peer group, and start trying out drugs. That’s how it usually begins.” Be careful to avoid the people and the places that can entrap your spirit and destroy your life.

The dictionary defines addiction as “the compulsive need for a habit-forming substance; the condition of being habitually and compulsively occupied with something.”  Well, that definition is accurate, but incomplete. For us, Christ followers, addiction has an additional meaning: it means compulsively worshipping something other than God.

            Anna, papa know that you’re a very responsible woman. But as your father, I need you to know this: don’t get addicted to something that destroys your health or your sanity. Ours is a society that glamourizes the use of drugs, alcohol, cigarettes and other addicted substances. Movies and social media are indirectly promoting it, but never fall into temptations. “Since you are tempted without ceasing,” writes Charles H. Spurgeon, “pray without ceasing.” When it comes to the trap of addiction, my daughter, it is easier to stay out than it is to get out. Yes, help is available. Plenty of people have experienced addiction and lived to tell about it… but you don’t have to experience it, in order to learn from it. Take heed now, learn from people’s examples, hold on to God’s Word, care for your body and mind, and be mindful of the destructive power of addiction.

But I do encourage you to be addicted to these things: praying and helping others, fellowship with the Believers and make friends in school, reading the Bible and mediate on it day and night, go for physical exercise and learn to have fun :)

P.s: Papa will be home this Sunday. We’ll go to Kuching Food Fest ya  

Love you baby,

Richard

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.

           

Letters to Annabel: Stand Up for Your Beliefs

When I return home, Anna, we watch 'Wonder Woman' together again ya. 

My daughter Annabel,

            Papa have to go back to the longhouses at Sibu for a mission trip. I hope your aunty take good care of you and when I return, I’ll tell you the story of how Christ works among the Iban people, our people. It is so exciting! But one news that have been troubled daddy since last week is that many of our young people, when they study or work at the city, they losing their faith. Those who grow or kept their faith and beliefs are those who attend church or/and Christian fellowship weekly. Daddy will share God’s Word to the young people tomorrow night, would you pray for daddy?

            Anna, they remind me of you my child. One word that came to my mind this morning as I prayed for you is this: Stand up for your beliefs. Be secure with who you are and where you stand in Christ. When you become more God-confident, then you become willing to stand up for your beliefs and your God the Father. And that’s good because if you’re willing to stand up for the things you believe in, especially in your relationship with Christ, you faith will be strengthen. And not only that, you’ll feel better about yourself and you’ll make better choices.

            “Let’s take Jesus at this word,” Max Lucado writes, “When He says we’re forgiven, let’s unload the guilt. When He says we’re valuable, let’s believe Him. When He says we’re eternal, let’s bury our fear. When He says we’re provided for, let’s stop worrying.” Franklin Graham also said, “The value and purpose of following God’s ways are not in seeing, but in believing, what God wants to say to us.” Part of why daddy wants you to read the Bible every day and meditate on it is because I desires for you be rooted in Christ and His Word. Stand firm, okay?

Daddy love you,

Rich

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.

Letters to Annabel: Become Serious about the Pursuit of Wisdom

Dear sweetheart Annabel,

            Daddy left this letter with a book for you to read while I’m gone these few days. How’s your school? I promise that we will spent time together for dinner this weekend, okay? Chocolate vanilla or green tea ice-cream for dessert? Both? It’s going to be fun!

            Oh ya, about the book Eugene Peterson’s The Message: Proverbs that I want you to read and meditate… I love this translation because it’s fresh and I have been reading it many times now. If you are looking for wisdom, the Book of Proverbs is a wonderful place to start. It has 31 chapters, one for each day of the month if you like. If you read and meditate on its wisdom regularly, and if you take its teachings to heart, you’ll gain timeless wisdom from God’s unchanging Word.

            School can teach you knowledge and skills, but only God’s Word can give you true wisdom and understanding (go for both of course). “Knowledge is horizontal,” writes Billy Graham, “Wisdom is vertical; it comes down from above.” Wisdom, however, will not come instantly, you must seek it day by day. Be passionate, my daughter, in your pursuit of God’s wisdom; sincerely seek to live a life of righteousness. Proverbs 4:6 says: “Don’t turn your back on wisdom, for she will protect you. Love her, and she will guard you.” The Bible describes wisdom as “she” not because it means that wisdom have gender, but it is personal. Take this advice personally.

            When daddy was young and your grandpa is not there to be a Christian father-figure for me, I seek for myself worthy mentors – men and women of God –  and listen carefully to their advice and exemplified their lives. Find yours (I’ll suggest to you when we meet okay). You must associate day in and out with people who behave wisely and responsibly. And, you must act in accordance with your beliefs. Be wise and be a blessing to our family, your friends and to the world. I already proud of you.

Annabel, you have grown wiser, yet you’re always be my baby girl.

Daddy loves you,

Rich

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.

Letters to Annabel: Learn from Your Mistakes

My daughter Annabel,

            Since the day your mom passed away, both you and dad are greatly affected. I know you love your mom so much, I do too, but she’s gone now. Anna, daddy loves you. Please do not let this tragedy cause you to rebel against God (we already talk about this), and stop making mistake by channelling your anger externally. Instead, I encourage you to express your feeling toward God your Father – and when I’m home soon, I’ll be by your side and listen and talk with you personally. Deal?

            About the mistakes that you wrote to me the other day, well darling, nobody likes ‘em but everybody makes ‘em. Sometimes, even if you’re a very good person, you’re going to mess things up. And when you do (I do too), God is always ready to forgive you. 1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” God will do His part, but you should be willing to do your part too. Here is what you need to do:

1)    If you’ve been engaging in behaviour that is against the will of God, cease and desist (that means stop)

2)    If you made a mistake, learn from it and don’t repeat it (that’s called getting smarter)

3)    If you’ve hurt somebody, apologize and ask for forgiveness (that’s called doing the right thing)

4)    Ask for God’s forgiveness, too (He’ll give it whenever you ask, but you do need to ask)

My baby girl, today is the perfect day to make things right with everybody (and the word everybody includes yourself, your family, your teachers, your friends and Jesus the Lord). Your mom once told me, “Mistakes are the price you pay for being human; repeated mistakes are the price you pay for being stubborn. So don’t be hard-hearted: learn from your experiences – the first time!” Your mom knows that daddy is a stubborn man. Like I told you, be stubborn in your faith, but not in your heart :)

I’m coming home soon.

Daddy love you,

Rich

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.