You Are Not Alone: Teens Talk about Life After the Loss of a Parent (2005) by Lynne B. Hughes, Book Review

 You Are Not Alone: Teens Talk about Life After the Loss of a Parent (2005) by Lynne B. Hughes

This book is raw. At an early age, Lynne lost both of her parents. In 1998, she established Comfort Zone Camp to provide a pleasant and safe environment for grieving teens. She and her campers extend empathy and practical help to teenagers and those who look after them with understanding and compassion. So this book is based on real stories, real people, and real experiences. Parental loss is sometimes referred to as "the loss that is forever," and young people who have experienced it often feel very different from others around them. I'm in the student ministry, so I meet lots of students who lost their parent(s) early in their childhood. When I read this book, I was very moved by their testimonies and also encouraged to know that they are not alone. You are not alone (This is not a Christian book. As a Christ-follower, I can say with confidence that you, by faith, are not alone because Christ is your friend, God is your Father, and the Holy Spirit is within you. Theologically and in reality, you are not alone).

The hardest thing about losing someone you love is that it will never go away. It's hard but you're not alone. "Some of the most reassuring words of all are from other kids like you who are LIVING with the loss of a parent," writes Lynne to one of the teens. Then, she shows some examples. This is a cliche but true: Life goes on, and you need to move on. 'Moving on' means traveling away from the loss, which also means traveling farther away from the experiences with your loved one and filling the space with new experiences and new people. It's not a betrayal or disloyalty. It's you choosing to be a SURVIVOR, not a victim. Like one of the teens, Melissa wrote: "At one point I wanted to give up too. I wanted to leave this world. Then I realized that I couldn't do that because then I would turn out to be just like my mom. You need to know you can get through it. Although it will be hard, you will have your entire life to live." And Abbey also wrote: "Initially it stinks, but you will be able to pick yourself back up and start living again. It is really hard at first, but eventually (at least in my case), you realize they would want you to have a happy life." Wow! Choose to survive!

#ServeToLead #LeadersAreReaders #YouAreNotAlone #TheLossOfAParent #Survivor #Hope #LetsMakeReadingCoolAgain

 To read my other book reviews/summaries, CLICK HERE

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Timothy, Tell the Children to Take Care of Their Parents (1 Timothy 5:3-8)

 “Honor widows who are truly widows. But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God. She who is truly a widow, left all alone, has set her hope on God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day, but she who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives. Command these things as well, so that they may be without reproach. But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worst than an unbeliever.”

(1 Timothy 5:3-8, ESV)

The bottom line of 1 Timothy 5:3-16 as I understand it is this: God’s people, namely the church, is to help to supply not just spiritual needs but also material needs of other vulnerable Christians (for example here, the “widows”) if there are no other believing family members to do so. But if there are, then, they ought to provide the needs by all means. What Paul writes here concerning care for widows can be applied to any Christians in real need. But one thing we must keep in mind, however, the church is not a welfare agency. The church is not to put social work before the gospel of the grace of God. Beware of the damnable social gospel nowadays! The church is to take responsibility to care for those who are really in need only when there are no other Christian family members to do so (I’m repeating myself here to emphasize the point!). “Let the church not be burdened,” reminds Paul later, “so that it may care for those who are truly widows” (v.16). The qualifications of widows to be supported are listed in verses 9 and 10. Spiritually, they are the godly widows who set their “hope on God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day” NOT those who are “self-indulgent” or “live only for pleasure” (NLT), that is, the ungodly.

First moral responsibility is placed upon Christian relatives (“children or grandchildren” or any family members) at least because of these five reasons: 1) To show one’s “godliness”, 2) To repay or “to make some return” to one’s parents or grandparents. To “honor” is to show “respect” (the fifth commandment in Exodus 20:12), 3) To please God. “This is pleasing in the sight of God”; 4) To affirm one’s faith because if not he or she “has denied the faith and is worst than an unbeliever”, and, 5) To unburdened the church (v.16). It is sad that sometimes even Christians who have been loved and cared for by their parents or grandparents, practically turn their backs on them in their hour of need. The dramas on Malaysian TV series and films on Netflix about how the children argue with one another on who will take care of their elderly parents or the decision to send their parents to old folks' homes are the reflections of what really happened in our culture today. How come one mother can take care of ten children all by herself but her children can’t take care of their only mother? Such children - or probably YOU - need to hear these words all over again: “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worst than an unbeliever.” Strong words, yes, but the truth is always is!

To read previous short articles on 1 Timothy, CLICK HERE 

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Children Are Watching YOU!

I was sitting with a group of mothers in the kitchen during my cousin's wedding. I got to get away from the heavy noises and went for a coffee. I overheard one of the mothers said, "I don't know how to tell my daughter to stop playing with her phone and study for the exam." And then I observe, she always holding her phone while complaining about her daughter. It's like an alcoholic father telling his son to be a good man. How irony.

"There is nothing more influential in a child's life than the moral power of a quiet example," reminds William J. Bennett. "For children to take morality seriously, they must see adults who take morality seriously" ���⚡��� #ServeToLead #LeadingByExample #ChildrenDoWhatChildrenSee

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Be Street Smart AND Book Smart #1Book1Week March 2021

 

"I want to do what you do," said a well-meaning student to me. So, I asked, "What is your growth plan?" In less than 5 seconds he replied, "What is a growth plan?" Well, some people are gifted with intelligent minds; some with rich parents; some with astoundingly high levels of ignorance (pitiful but bless their hearts!); and some - me or you, if you too - are average people but have the determination to grow in whatever talents or skills or gifts and mind that God given to them. I use to say: "If you're not beautiful or handsome or good-looking, which is an advantage in an image-driven world today, at least, be smart."

People nowadays want us to choose between Book Smart vs. Street Smart. They said, "Street smart is better than book smart." Or in the religious circle, "Experiential Christianity is superior to intellectual Christianity." To me, it sounds pious but I think it's an anti-intellectual facade. Why not strive to be both Book Smart AND Street Smart? The Webster's Unabridged Dictionary defines wisdom as “knowledge, and the capacity to make due use of it.” How to gains "knowledge"? Study, and - my purpose of this post - read books! That's Book Smart. How to "make due use of it"? Well, by practicing and applying (based on your contexts) what you have learned or/and read! That's Street Smart. If you combine both, by Webster's definitions, that's wisdom.

Let us come back to a personal growth plan. Do you have it? If not, don't be discouraged. Start smart, start today  To my young friend, you cannot do what I do today not because you cannot do it but because you have to do it from the start. There is no shortcut to growth. In your plan, don't forget to include these four areas: 1) Intellectual, 2) Physical, 3) Spiritual, and 4) Financial. Try it for a year and be practical. As for intellectual growth, you know what I would say, right? One of them is to READ BOOKS! Be Book Smart!  

#ServeToLead #LeadersAreReaders #GrowingLeaders #LetsMakeReadingCoolAgain #BeBookSmartAndStreetSmart #PersonalGrowthPlan

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The Duties of Parents (2010, first published 1888) by J. C. Ryle, Book Review

 The Duties of Parents (2010, first published 1888) by J. C. Ryle

My parents are good but not saints; as far as I can remember, they never taught me about Christ and the Word directly but I remember they (especially mom) taught me to pray before a meal and went to bed; I believe they want the best for me but in our culture, best mean mediocrity. I don't blame them, they just follow the examples from their own parents, grandparents, and so on. I never regret having them as my parents (although, I once imagined that I'm the prince of the King of England!) but I decide, by God's grace, to make a difference for my future children. You should too. Change must start with us. Bishop J.C. Ryle (1816-1900), of which his seven volumes of Expository Thoughts on the Gospels I owned, open this short book with the famous verse from Proverbs 22:6, "Train up a child in the way he should go - and when he is old, he will not depart from it." If the crisis of ungodliness among young people during Ryle's time was alarming as he mentions in the book, then, surely today has become worse. In my observation, the responsibility to "train up a child" that is supposed to begin at home has ended up mostly left to the school, the church (if any), and even social media. This is not supposed to be so for Proverb 22:6 assumes that it is the responsibility of the parents or the close guardian(s) of "a child" to give godly instructions and to train him or her to walk with God. Ryle explains: "The plain truth is, the Lord's commandment in our text is not regarded - and therefore the Lord's promise in our text is not fulfilled." Don't make excuses, just obey the Word of God and you will be blessed. Here are Ryle's seventeen (17) insights of biblical responsibility of child-rearing that he outlines in this book:

1. If you train your children rightly, train them in the way they should go, and not in the way they would
2. Train Up your child with all tenderness, affection, and patience
3. Train your children with an abiding persuasion on your mind that much depends upon you
4. Train with this thought continually before your eyes – that the soul of your child is the first thing to be considered
5. Train your child to a knowledge of the Bible
6. Train them to a habit of prayer
7. Train them to habits of diligence, and regularity about public means of grace
8. Train them to a habit of faith
9. Train them to a habit of obedience
10. Train them to a habit of always speaking the truth
11. Train them to a habit of always redeeming the time
12. Train them with a constant fear of overindulgence
13. Train them remembering continually how God trains His children
14. Train them remembering continually the influence of your own example
15. Train them remembering continually the power of sin
16. Train them remembering continually the promises of Scripture
17. Train them, lastly, with continual prayer for a blessing on all you do

#ServeToLead #PreachTheWord #JCRyle #GodlyParentsGodlyChildren #NoExcuseJustObey #LeadersAreReaders #GrowingLeaders #LetsMakeReadingCoolAgain

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