Learn Manhood from David #5 Every Man Needs A Man Friend Like Jonathan

"After David had finished talking with Saul, he met Jonathan, the king's son. There was an immediate bond between them, for Jonathan loved David"

(1 Samuel 18:1, NLT)

"There are ‘friends' who destroy each other,

But a real friend sticks closer than a brother"

(Proverbs 18:24, NLT)

Doing Bible Studies on the life of David is very interesting. From 1 Samuel chapter 8 onward, David acquired a best friend and a worst enemy at the same time [It just seems to happen that way, right? Jesus had dear Peter but He also had traitor Judas. Paul had faithful Timothy but he also had worldly Demas]. Saul became David's worst enemy, hunting him down like a hunter with a gun looking for a deer. On the other hand, Jonathan, Saul's son, became the friend who "sticks closer than a brother." Jonathan even took a spear from his own father to defend his friend David against Saul. Jonathan was also the friend who challenged David to do the right things, helped him in ways no one else could, and provided a listening ear when David was in despair. Jonathan had witnessed David's victory over Goliath and saw David as someone he admired and wanted to know.

At the same time, Jonathan knew intuitively that David was destined to replace his father on the throne. "You are going to be the king of Israel…" said Jonathan to David (see 1 Samuel 23:17). He knew that he himself would not be the one to rule Israel, yet he didn't wait to start serving the next-king. Like David, Jonathan was bold and he maintained a strong relationship with God (see how Jonathan displayed his courage and bravery in 1 Samuel 14:1-15 just like how David showed his' when he fought Goliath. Both believe and relied on God's strength!). No wonder the Bible tells us that their hearts were chained together (see 1 Samuel 20:42)!

The friendship between Jonathan and David is one of the strongest man-to-man relationships recorded in the Bible. The bond between them was rooted in their faith and commitment to God. It grew stronger when tested, and it could not be broken by circumstances or even the threat of death. Until the end of his life, David honored his covenant with Jonathan. You see, even though David was a man after God's own heart (Acts 13:22), God still wanted him to have friendships with others. God is enough, He is all. But He still chooses to use others to speak to us, comfort us, and guide us. In a sense, God revealed Himself to David through his friend, Jonathan. Did David really need Jonathan? Absolutely! Tough times require close friends close by.

Since this article is for men and to encourage men to be men, I want to share this truth: Down deep at the core, every man needs a man friend and a brother to lock arms with. Michael E. McGill observed, "To say that men have no intimate friends seems on the surface too harsh, and it raises quick objections from most men. But the data indicates that it is not far from the truth. Even the most intimate of friendships (of which there are few) rarely approach the depth of disclosure a woman commonly has with other women… men, who neither bare themselves nor bear one another, are buddies in name only." Patrick Morley, author of The Man in the Mirror said that while most men have so-called friends, "hardly anyone has a friend he can call at 2.00 A.M." So, how can we find a friend like David? What makes your soul knit to the soul Jonathan? Stu Weber, author of Tender Warrior, list out four (4) principles of masculine friendship:

#1 Share Values. "You have many friends in the course of your life, but you will never have a soul mate who does not walk with your God… David and Jonathan were committed to the same God. They loved the same kingdom. They marched to the same tune… They didn't necessarily have the same skills or values or talents or bends. But they had the same values. That's at the core of all meaningful friendships, particularly man-to-man. At the core level, at the passion level, at the vision level, they were the same."

#2 Unselfish Love. "I want you to notice something else in this David-Jonathan friendship. Something that isn't there. It's conspicuous by its absence. Jonathan stripped himself of his royal robe and gave it to David along with his sword, bow, and belt. What's missing from this picture? What's not there? Jealousy. There is none. There is absolutely no competition or comparison between the two men… Friends stand by unselfishly, and we draw strength from that."

#3 Deep Royalty. "Jonathan's loyalty was so deep he was even willing to defend his friend when face-to-face with his father, the king. Loyalty is absolutely essential to a friendship… A man-to-man friendship says I'll never walk out on you. Barring unrepentant sin against the Lord God, you'll never be able to do anything that will repulse me or break our fellowship."

#4 Real Transparency. "David and Jonathan were not ashamed to embrace and weep together. They were that genuine with one another. They were that unconcerned with their ‘image.' They expressed their emotions with utter and total transparency… What defines our friendship is the telling of ourselves… Boys do need to learn to be men. But being a man does not mean concealing your emotions. Part of being a man is real transparency."

Share Values

Unselfish Love

Deep Royalty

Real Transparency

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.

Learn Manhood from David #4 Conquering Fear With Faith (or How to Fight Daily Battle as a Man)

"You come to me with sword, spear, and javelin, but I come to you in the name of the LORD of Heaven's Armies – the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied… everyone assembled here will know that the Lord rescues his people, but not with sword and spear. This is the Lord's battle, and he will give you to us!"

(Young David to Goliath the Giant and the Palestine soldiers, 1 Samuel 17:45, 47, NLT)

King Saul, tormented and raging, found a music therapist in a shepherd boy and hide him as one of his servants (read 1 Samuel 16:14-23). Just like that, David went from pasture to palace, suddenly landing in the halls of power and position. By God's design, he was able to see his own destiny begin to unfold before him. While balancing two jobs – serving as Saul's personal harpist (and armor bearer) and tending his father's sheep – David was sent on a mission by his father. He was told to take food to his brothers at the battlefront. This task changed the course of David's life and forever affected the nation of Israel.

In fact, David's mission still inspires courage in the hearts of men who feel overwhelmed, overmatched, or paralyzed by fear. The story of David and Goliath is one of the most-recounted stories in the Bible because it displays a faith and courage we all aspire to have in our own lives. Just as one man long ago conquered his fears by faith and won against all odds, we can do the same. With God all things are possible. To the world, this talk about faith is unreasonable, but as Malcolm Gladwell, author of David and Goliath (non-Christian book), writes, "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man."

If you're struggling with bad relationships, addictions, poor self-image, discouragements, and even fear of the future (I thought about it quite often lately), ask yourself: “How big is my God?” If in your mind and faith your God is not bigger than your problem, then your problem is your god. If you see your problem as completely overwhelming, and you focus on it rather than on God, it will paralyze you. You need to put your problem in perspective by getting a new perspective on God. He is bigger than any problem you face today (it’s true either you believe it or not). Choose to focus on Him instead of your problem. That's what David did. Tim Young, the author of Heartstone, points out: "God's anointing had fallen on David, who was just a young simple shepherd boy but was mighty in spirit. David did not tremble at the size or shouts of Goliath – he saw Goliath through God's eyes. David had righteous anger for the disrespect shown to the armies of the living God. David did not weigh the risk of failure because his faith was resting totally in God. Learning that these are merely the tactics of the enemy designed to instill fear will allow us to stand firm in God's power to overcome anything that comes against us."

The challenge of taking on Goliath revealed that David was completely focused on the right thing: God's presence and power. In stark contrast, we see the army of Israel standing on the other hillside opposite to the enemy, paralyzed with fear. You know the end of this story, right? "…Goliath stumbled and fell face down on the ground. So David triumphed over the Philistine with only a sling and a stone, for he had no sword. Then David ran over and pulled Goliath's sword from its sheath. David used it to kill him and cut off his head" (1 Samuel 17:49-51). Yes, he used a sling. Yes, his bullet is a stone. Yes, as a man, he was pretty strong (pulled Goliath's sword? How big and heavy was it?). But his manliness is not centered on his strength, it is centered on God. He fights with his faith in God, in "the name of the LORD." His perspective is clear: This is the Lord's battle!

Manhood proverb:

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6).

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.

Learn Manhood from David #3 Overcome Family Dysfunctions, Low Self-Worth and Wanted-to-Proof Syndrome

"In the same way, all seven of Jesse's sons were presented to Samuel. But Samuel said to Jesse, ‘The Lord has not chosen any of these.' Then Samuel asked, ‘Are these all the sons you have?' ‘There is still the youngest,' Jesse replied. ‘But he's out in the fields watching the sheep and goats.' ‘Send for him at once,' Samuel said. ‘We will not sit down to eat until he arrives.'"

(1 Samuel 16:10-11, NLT)

Since finished diploma at UiTM, I was very driven to be knowledgeable, smart, and insightful. I studied all the time – night and day, devour books on various subjects, learning online, and attended seminars and talks (free and paid). When I asked myself, what drives me to become who I was and am today, I was shocked by my own answers. Partly, as I was growing up, my parents never tell me that I'm smart. Because I didn't further my study like any other of my friends after diploma (due to financial difficulties), some of them look down on me. I can see that in their eyes. The elders in the church and family members have that ‘look' when I told them that I'm working as such and such. Unimpressive. A friend of my girlfriend told her that if she married me, she will get nothing, no future. Since, I determined that someday, somehow, I'd prove them all wrong! All of this inner turmoil and the desire to proof-myself haunted me early on. Now, with Jesus Christ as my Saviour, He saved [and still in the process of saving some part of] me from being weight down by people's opinion and divert my [same] motivation toward glorifying God in my life.

The fact is, others that are close to us and especially families form us into who we are. In the Bible, young David didn't have great family and friends encouragement either, and the lack of it affected his entire life. His family situation set him up for tough times ahead. In fact, his family was as dysfunctional as they come. His brothers constantly antagonized him, and his father neglected him (and most traditions said that David was Jesse's son from another wife and born out of wedlock). Talk about the potential for developing a poor self-image! As a result of the way his family treated him, David apparently struggled his whole life with a performance-based personality and a drive to prove himself worthy at all costs. His family left an indelible mark on his life as he gained power, influence, and significance. During one of our Bible Study, someone responded to how David deals with his rebellious son, Absalom: "David is a good king, but a bad father." Guess who he it learned from?

Typically, our family dysfunctions drive us either to overcompensate for what is lacking in our most fundamental relationships or to rely more fully upon God to take up the slack we've experienced in those relationships. For example, you may have received certain messages from your biological family that now are contributing to patterns of sin in your life. You may hold the aching pain of loss within you, you may want to prove to others that you have what it takes, or you may want to show that you're in control. Many men medicate themselves daily by overworking, overeating, raging, viewing pornography, drinking alcohol, or by pursuing ‘success' – whatever it takes! These are how we hide our pains or maybe as our escape tactics. Yet, our anxiety continues, and life remains somehow incomplete – in spite of their wonderful outward appearances.

So now we men must ask ourselves, How do we overcome the hand we've been dealt and take responsibility for our lives? How do we let our self-worth, fears, and anxieties move us closer to God rather than farther away? How did David do this? One of the clue we can find it during his final speech to his son, Solomon before his death: "I am going where everyone on earth must someday go. Take courage and be a man. Observe the requirements of the Lord your God, and follow all his ways. Keep the decrees, commands, regulations, and laws written in the Law of Moses so that you will be successful in all you do and wherever you go…" (1 Kings 2:2-3). Only God can change you inside-out, so be Fathered by Him. And by His Son, you will be made new – and His Word can overcome the hurtful and destructive past, and move you toward a better future. It’s not a onetime event, of course, it’s a process. Men, for His glory!

Have Courage.

Be A Man.

Observe and Keep God's Word in Your Life.

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.

Learn Manhood from David #2 Handsome With Inner Character > Outer Appearances

The Lord said to Samuel, "Don't judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart"

(1 Samuel 16:7, NLT)

In his book, Wild At Heart, John Eldredge explained the nature of man after Genesis 3:10, "You don't need a course in psychology to understand men… We are hiding, every last one of us. Well aware that we, too, are not what we are meant to be, desperately afraid of exposure, terrified of being seen for what we are and are not, we have run off into the bushes… Most of what you encounter when you meet a man is a façade, an elaborate fig leaf, a brilliant disguise." In short, John called it – the Poser.

King Saul was a poser. When the pressure was on, in the heat of the battle, his true character revealed itself. Confused and fearful, he tried to engineer circumstances by partially obeying God's clear instructions when it served his own purposes. But when confronted with his disobedience, Saul justified, rationalized, and attempted to excuse his actions. For example, when Samuel found out that Saul sacrificed the burnt offering by himself, Samuel was furious and Saul gave this excuse, "You didn't arrive…" Just like when Adam when fall into temptation said to God, "It was the woman you gave me who gave me the fruit…" (Read the whole event in 1 Samuel 13:8-14). Saul's heart was dominated by self-righteous and arrogance toward the things of God. Tragically, we men are a lot like Saul in some areas of our lives. Oh, correction… Tragically, I'm a lot like Saul in most area of my life!

What a contrast David was! While Saul pursued independence from God, David longed for a deeper intimacy with Him: "I take joy in doing your will, my God, for your instructions are written on my heart" (Psalms 40:8). Although David's life, like any man's, was riddled with inconsistencies, his heart remained consistently pure toward God. In the sight of the Lord, David was transparent and open toward God. He was not a poser.

Like David, we all struggle and fail at times. Yet if we fall because of sin, we know that our standing with God remains just as it was: "If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness" (1 John 1:8-9). When David sinned, he confessed and repented. Thus, God forgave him and he was "cleanse from all wickedness." But when Saul sinned, he just regretted it and do nothing. He was “fooling” himself and “not living in the truth.” This is the difference between David's and Saul's heart. Our conduct reflects our character, and our character reflects what is ordering our hearts. If we want to change our conduct, then our character must change. And if we want to improve our character, our hearts must be transformed. "Create in me a clean heart, O God" (Psalms 51:10).

Again, like David, we can ride out any storm if our hearts are secure in the Lord and in His love for us. As Thomas a' Kempis, a Christian mystic, once said, "Man weighs your actions. God weighs your intentions." As God weighs the intentions of your heart, which way is the scale tipping?

"Most Christians are still living with an Old Testament view of their heart. Jeremiah 17:9 says, 'My heart is deceitfully wicked.' No, it's not. Not after the work of Christ, because the promise of the new covenant is a new heart" (John Eldredge)
THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.

Learn Manhood from David #1 Refuse to Compromise

“[Now] your kingdom must end, for the LORD has sought out a man after his own heart. The LORD has already appointed him to be the leader of his people, because you have not kept the LORD’s command”

(Said God the King through the Prophet Samuel to King Saul, 1 Samuel 13:14, NLT)

Men experience tough times; God never promised we wouldn’t. And though the Bible doesn’t reveal how to escape our hardships, it does show us how to get through them. James 1:2 says, “Dear brothers and sisters when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.” “…when troubles come…” So, it’s not whether we will face tough times, but when.

We can learn a lot about dealing with tough times from David. In the midst of hardship, he didn’t compromise – which says a lot about the kind of man David was. Many men cave under pressure but David held strong. Here’s what was going on at the time: Israel was involved in a religious war. The priesthood was corrupt (Eli’s, the high priest, sons both priests were corrupt! See 1 Samuel 2:12-13) and the judges were dishonest and abusive (Samuel’s, the prophet, sons both judges were wicked! See 1 Samuel 8:1). During the war, Palestine had captured the Ark of the Covenant, Israel’s symbol of God’s presence. Israel was in the thick of spiritual darkness. They refused to listen to the Prophet Samuel’s warnings and openly rebelled against God’s Word.

With the people’s eyes diverted from God, they looked at the world around them and saw what appeared to be the perfect solution – a king. They complained and demanded to Samuel, “Give us a king to judge us like all the other nations have” (1 Samuel 8:5). Although Samuel warned the people about the consequences of demanding a king, their tunnel vision and lack of concern for God’s plan created a powerful movement to find a king (read 1 Samuel 8:6-22). So God gave Israel over to its careless and impatient demands and allows ‘the Plan B’ king – people’s choice – to take the throne. This king set the stage for Israel’s long and tumultuous history.

The man Samuel anointed as king was Saul “the most handsome man in Israel – head and shoulders taller than anyone else in the land” (1 Samuel 9:2). This man and his exploits significantly shaped David’s own destiny. In fact, we often find that Saul serves as the classic bad example when we contrast his actions with David’s. Saul became David’s boss, nemesis, and bounty hunter. Saul typically reacted to challenges very differently than David. Instead of obeying God and refusing to compromise, Saul caved in and tried to engineer the circumstances to his own benefit. Here are three (3) examples of how Saul is different from David in dealing with tough times:

	Saul	David
Taking Responsibility	He tries to justify his actions (1 Samuel 15:15)	He took ownership of his sin (2 Samuel 12:13)
Motive	He was afraid of the people and did what they demanded (1 Samuel 15:24)	The fear of the Lord caused him to repent (2 Samuel 12:13)
Bravery	He ends up became a fearful king (1 Samuel 17:11)	He was courageous always (1 Samuel 17:32; 2 Samuel 17:8)

Men must endure hardships, challenges, and temptations in tough times and refuse to compromise. As Patrick Henry writes, “Adversity toughens manhood, and the characteristic of the good or the great man is not that he has been exempt from the evils of life, but that he has surmounted them.” The big question that keeps in my mind as I think of these two characters is this: When times get tough, am I more like Saul or David?

“Teach me your ways, O LORD,

that I may live according to your truth!

Grant me purity of heart,

so that I may honor you”

(Psalms 86:11)

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.